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      Unrequited love

     


I will love you, for I cannot stop. As the thirst in me builds up I cannot breathe, but I will go on loving you, no more wandering, no more roaming, my heart. He must never know, he must never find out, because that is what he least wants to hear. It is so easy to lie to one's friend, because he trusts you, it is so easy to protect him...

 

He doesn't need my love, he does not understand it, but every day I say 'i love you still, i love you still. I do not dream to be loved, my own love like a whisper will evaporate into the night. I feel the cold and the thirst rising in me. Rising and rising - it will never stop.

 

He came to me in a dream last night and held me in his arms for a moment (I can still feel his cool fingers on my back) and i was tired no more. My pain faded like raindrops in the grass, when the sun shines through the thick rainclouds. And my thirst was quenched. After six years I was thirsty no more.

 

They all come to me when the end is close. They come to comfort me and when I wake and the dream flees from my waking eyes, I scream, 'No, no no no! Then there is nothing more.

 

How can I stop loving you? That moment in the sun-illuminated corridoor when you looked at me with a smile on your face, is before my waking eyes every day. Everything I have lost, that I never could have in the first place, I see it every day when i fall asleep and when i wake. You have no more smile for me. Where now is my escape I am fully entitled to?

 

For the last time I shall say to you: 'look at me! look at me!' nothing. All my dreams I must kill and starve my hope, the fool. I would have loved you very much, so very much, but all in vain. In vain I would have loved you.

 

 

It is so cold. It is so cold

 

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