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      Summer Heartbreak


This all started around the end of my sophomore year in high school.  I've had a massive crush on this girl for over two years and I could have sworn I was in love. We started getting a lot closer, we'd have all these little inside jokes, and everyday when I'd get a hug from her I felt like she was the most amazing girl in the world.  But things started getting weird when I started getting into these depressions (I was later diagnosed with adolescent depression by a psychiatrist) and she started getting weirded out by these random times I was depressed I guess.  We started getting into little arguements over nothing, and I felt like everything was falling apart.  It killed me inside really.  We always made up eventually, but during those times we weren't talking, one of my close friends started flirting with her a lot.  I never thought she'd be into a guy like him, but it still got me jealous anyways.  Well, nothing really happened between them until the summer before my junior year.

Things seemed to be going better with me and this girl, but one day I got into another one of those stupid depressive episodes.  It was for no reason too, but I ended up running away from home.  Not really packing up and leaving, but I just walked away from my house and ended up walking a couple of miles somewhere.  Of course my parents went crazy when they found out.  I was grounded for that entire summer with no contact with anyone, I couldn't leave the house, and basically I was cut off from the outside world.  Well, maybe I'm exaggerating there but the point is that I had no contact with any of my friends that entire summer.  Worst of all, I had no contact with "her".

So when I got back to school in August, I was hoping to finally be able to talk to her again.  If not as a crush, at least as a friend.  But the thing is, when I got back, I found out my friend and the girl got together.  They've been together for an entire month when I found out and I just didn't know what to say.  I was happy that she was happy, but seriously, what guy can be happy when his crush is taken away from him.  When we actually talked it was awkward...  She knew I liked her back then, and it seemed awkward for both her and me to talk.  I'll always remember what she said to me about it once though, "Remember that time I was avoiding you...?  Well... I'll tell you why one day".  Although it doesn't seem like much, I still wonder if that reason was because she might have liked me back?  Well it's been a couple months already and I'm over it basically.  A 2 year crush just gone away.  I've got no more feelings for her beyond that friendship we had.  But whenever I look back upon it, it still cuts my heart the fact that I got so close but was pushed back so far.


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