I turned him straight
Andrew and I met during cross country in high school. We knew each other before but we became close during my first season. It was instant we hung out a few times and we were best friends. We hung out almost every day after school and literally ALL weekend. Andrew is gay and what girl doesn't love her gay friend. I mean love, as in love as a brother as a friend until that day. Andrew has been out for years, he can't really remember a time when he actually liked girls. Little did I know I would be the one to change that. This is the story about how I fell in love with him.
We were on our way to pick up our friend Maddy when we pulled into her driveway he honked the horn and shut off the car, we knew she was going to be a while, she always was. He turned to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said "I Love You". I told him that I loved him too. Then he said no "I'm in love with you." Shocked about what he was telling me I didn't know what to say. He asked me if that made him bisexual. Luckily Maddy jumped in the car and the conversation ended there.
I had no idea what to think, he is my best friend, heís gay for christ sake! Heís been with so many guys and everyone knows heís gay. I never thought about Andrew like that. I mean I really did love him, but in a non-sexual way. Or at least I didn't think so.
Later that night after the show we went back to his house to sleepover. Maddy fell right to sleep, she had a long day. Me and Andrew sat around and had a few drinks. Before long he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I told him that I couldn't do that. I didn't know what to think, I didn't want to end up hurt.
I came to realize I love him too. I had just been avoiding my true feelings for him because I know he is gay. I knew that he could never love a girl. Our true love for each other has never left our minds it sits on the back burner and every once in a while it comes up.
Every time we drink it always seems to be that we end up almost having sex. At my graduation party, when we went camping with his family, even when were not drinking, it always comes back to that. To this day weíve never had sex. Weíve kissed a few times. Iíve never felt like that when I kiss anyone.
Three nights ago I realized what I truly wanted. We were sleeping at Maddyís house in her guest bed. We were about to have sex when Maddy tapped on the window and scared us after watching a scary movie. We stopped dead in our tracks. We laid in each otherís arms and talked, and fell asleep. A few hours later I woke up to him holding me. I wanted to just stay in that moment forever, I never wanted him to let go. I realized I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone. I donít know how to explain it, it was like nothing else mattered. If I died at that precise moment I would have died the happiest person ever.
The other day we had a huge fight about our priorities. In mid fight he told me he was afraid. He was afraid that he would never find a guy that he could love as much as he loves me. He said he has never had the connection he has with me with anyone else. Itís scary because I never have either. Andrew says he canít bear the thought of me moving in with another guy that wasnít him, living my life with someone else. Honestly I canít picture me living without him or him without me. Iím afraid too; afraid to never find someone that holds me and kisses me the way he does. Afraid that I will never love another man the way I love him or that I will love him more.
I know that I have found my soul mate. Itís scary, you know, when you truly love someone. The problem is I donít know that we could ever be together. The fact that he may be hooking up with guys the fact that he is gay. With all that, it doesnít faze me. Iíd like to think that it is our souls that fall in love regardless of what the body and mind want. Iíd like to think that one day weíll be together. That one day we will be able to forget what everyone else thinks and truly be happy with just with each other.
Ever since that day all I could think about was what he had said. That he was in love with me. We are still best friends, and we are closer than ever. He compares every guy he dates to me. He asks me why I can't just be a guy. He has even asked me to marry him. I think deep down we both hope we could just get away from it all and be together. I donít know what to expect in the future. I hope it all works out in the end. Until then we will remain best friends and maybe one day weíll realize what is right and everything will fall together.