it all began on the net..we exchanged good ideas,, become close friends and decided to meet up,, after a while we become best of friends,, and later on that friendship blossomed up and went to the next level.. we shared intimate passion moments together in a short period of time,,(one thing im a liberal person),, after sometime he went out of the country,, (just for 5 days).we had a formal goodbyes,, then he came back,, txtd me,,(hun im back,, but little bit sick) but i felt he has changed,, he was not texting me the way he used to,, (actually he said we will see each other when he'll get better,, coz he doesnt want me to get sick,,) he knows i love and enjoyed my job,, back to my story,,in short we lost communication,, behind my mind was many develish thoughts,, maybe he met somebody new,, maybe they patched up with his wife(acrtually he is married),, many things were built on my mind,,,, but i suppressed them all... all im saying out loud is that he is just busy with his work,, but in reality im shaking to find out the truth,,,
at times i would be alone i would think of him,, wondering why sometimes its like i dont know my self, i mean i guess i do find myslef looking for him at anytime of the day, he just pops up in my mind.. is that telepathy or something i saw just reminded me of him,,its really awkward its like im possessed with someone, i mean i really really really want to be with him. now,, i dont know whats wrong with me but ill find out sonner or later. i guess im just used to him, the way we did before, i dont know whats really happening to me right now, its like doing all the things that im doing everyday like a machine, i dont think of him that much, but everytime im alone,, it just kills me,,sometimes its overwhelming to focus so much on that but i find myself thinking about him all the time, he is like an oasis in the desert, just there to give me comfort and all the things i need,, i made him laugh and he made me laugh, we had fun together i guess i dont have anything better to do that reminiscing all those times that we had,, i dont know what im really doin, dont even know if this is normal,, i know im pathetic,, i understand why some girls cant really move on, when its common sense to forget that someone,,, but i guess im lined up with these gals,,(sigh)..actually when i start to hook up with him both of us were scared (coz we both just ended a relationship like 2 months ago). but we made ourselves fool and went on through it. i know im pathetic pathetic pathetic i cant get hold of myself, i just want to immerse myself in this misery.. i am so dramatic i know i will laugh about this someday.. what i felt was so overwhelming,, i didnt know what has gotten into me,, about having relations with people u just met,, hes a total stranger... but i guess both of us have fallen victims,,, maybe he is strong enough to leave me this way but i dont believe im just nothing to him.. i hope that he feel the same way for me (under any circumstance),, if ever we do be given a chance, i dont even know what to say to him, im thinking i might just let the moment pass by.. coz i dont want to push him away,,, but i dont think this time would come... i just get so depressed expecting too much... i think im living in a dream world,,in a fantasy land,, should i really wake up by now? and stare reality in the face, i just cant accept at this time, im so stupid??? naive??? dramatic?? well up to this moment we havent get a chance to meet up and talk things out.. I just miss him a lot..