Am I doing it right?
For an introvert girl that was educated in an all girls school, it is very hard for me to get close to the opposite gender. I was told to always be cautious to them that I think in the end make me too cautious. I can't name a guy that I can identified as my friend. They would always be either my college mates, my colleagues, my office mate and the list goes on....but not a FRIEND! Friends to me are someone that I can trust and I certainly could not put my trust on men (except for my Dad). Although some of my so called girlfriends do betray me.....-_-"
So.....go figures.....why at the age of 25 (nearly a quarter of a century), I do not have any first hand experience on love. Mr Right for me is depicted in fictional books. It is not that there are not a single guy that approach me all through out my life....there are....but not many (could only be counted with just one hand). I do not know how to deal with the experience.....and how to react....I would just turn them down with the silly-est reason in the world - I need to concentrate on my study. But at that moment maybe they are not the right person. I don't feel any regret at all for any of them except for just this one guy. The guy that I hope is my future......
I was 18 trying to go into science stream in college...going for biology obviously because I am bad with numbers, so math and physics are out of the question. In college, we are divided in 2 clusters, the life sciences and the physics clusters. Then we are further separated into several lecture groups, and every lecture groups consists of 6 to 8 groups of 20 something student that are considered as a tutorial group. We are both in life sciences, in the same lecture hall, different tutorial groups though.
He did not literally approach me and said would you be my girl (if that happens....I would run away!). He knows I can't comprehend and handle the question. It is his actions that made me feel special (or is it just hormones???). The thing is...if he ever wanted to approach me face-to-face then, I manage to turn him down beforehand by confessing to a friend (who turn out to be his friend too) that I am not ready and giving the need-to-concentrate-on-study reason! That is how I deal with these kind of situation...although I like the guy....really like the guy......
I know he got the message because after college, we lost contact and both of us went our separate ways. I heard he is currently a medical student abroad. And I am here....after 5 years still thinking did I do it right? I am now holding on to the famous quote "When you love someone, let them go and if they come back then it was meant to be". I am hoping he is coming back....^_^
I am still the same introvert, no male friends, no love experience girl that are trying to reach out to the one (I think) I love....and still am confuse!