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      I thought he's the one..


i had a boyfriend named carl.. we became boyfriend for eight months.. i met him in our school.. i transfer to his section.. actually it wasn't me who decided to transfer.. it was the management.. there i met him.. at first i don't mind him.. because i still feel unhappy about placing me to another section.. then as days past by.. i felt at eased with the section i'm in.. i had new friends and new life there.. then one day, the adviser of the class order renz to transfer seat in between me and my friend.. the reason is for him to behave and they thought when he is besides me, he can do so, because he "likes" me.. he has a crush on me and everybody in our classroom know that except me.. and so it started there..


after one month of courting, i gave him my YES to be her girlfriend.. but i don't feel comfortable.. i feel so worried and scared that my family will find out the secret i am hiding to them.. then after five days, i broke up with him and tell him i'm not ready to have relationship which is true! I'm only 14years old that time and i really don't have any idea what the hell is going on and what i did.. so i end that confusion with a break up..


then, i did not know he is still waiting for me.. i thought i gave him too much pain that lead him to hate me so much.. but he still did wait for me for 2 years..


honestly, i like him.. he is tall, handsome, and nice to me.. but that's all i know.. i don't know him.. i think he is the man that every girl have been dreaming of..


and so we became girlfriend and boyfriend again.. for those 8 months.. i never go out on a date with him.. i don't know but i'm scared at him.. i don't feel comfortable going out alone with him.. i feel like i don't entrust myself to him.. maybe something is lacking.. trust? understanding? openness? i don't feel i have a friend in him.. that's why i ended it again.. i don't want to fool myself anymore.. and i don't want the pain to became worst..


so once again.. i let go of him and leave him alone without being clear.. i can't explain to him what happened or what's wrong that made me to decide to end it again..


he is not the boyfriend material..


he's just for show and i don't want a guy like that..


i want someone who is profound.. not a shallow and superficial type of guy..


all i can say is .. i'm so sorry.. i just thought u are the one..


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