Love and Lost
There was this guy that came into my life not so long ago...he was just an acquaintance that i couldn't seem to get off my mind. He became my friend and then my best friend. Soon after he was my boyfriend. He meant everything to me, he took over my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. I thought he was the one. As every relationship has there ups and downs ours wasn't any different. But the difference was that every mistake we made, made us physically walk away from each other... yet we knew that deep down our hearts were still connected. We had an unbreakable bond. Every joy and all the happiness in my life was brought by him. He was my everything. But every good thing comes to an end and ours many times. And each time there was a beginning and an end, it was a constant pull back and forth. Yet for some reason I didn't mind...because I knew that without him in my life I would be completely miserable. 3 years went by and not much changed until we realized that we were growing up. We became two different people... yet our hearts were the same. But the constant lies and deceit that had been shown by him many times, hurt, and each time more than the last. Every step he took away from me was slowly killing me inside.. yet he didn't seem to know. He's gone now, outta my life for good no more lies, no more deceit but so much more pain. He walked out and took my heart with him. There is an emptiness inside of me now that couldn't be filled by anyone else but him. Although I should be happy that I don't have to listen to his lies and cry these tears of pain I'm not and I don't know if I ever truly will be. He knew everything about me, I could tell him everything and anything. I trusted him with my life, but the one thing he didn't know was the one thing that I couldn't seem to tell him. I don't know what I was afraid of.. getting hurt again? him feeling the same way? being tied down? I didn't know but now I guess I'll have to live with not knowing for the rest of my life. I wanted to tell him so many times I just didn't know how to, or when was the right time! Was it because of this that we had gone our separate ways? If I tell him will he come back to me? So many questions... no answers. Every tear I cried was for him, every smile that was on my face was placed there by him. I love him and that is what I know. I have loved him for a while now but still he doesn't know, it's a shame because now I'm afraid.... he never will.
In my heart I used to believe that I was so in love with him, that never in a million years would I be able to get over him. That my heart, soul, body and mind has and always will be his. But as time went by I realized that I'm fine, I'm surviving, I'm healthy and enjoying life. He was a phase in my life, he helped me grow, he taught me life experiences and now he's gone. Am I happy? Yes and no! Yes, because there was so much hurt and anger in that relationship that the best thing was to end it. And no, because I miss the company and all that I confided and trusted him with is gone. But what can we do, life goes on and someone else will come in my life, give me great memories, and I shall be able to experience another part of my life and if he's not right for me, he'll leave too! But I know that eventually I will find the one for me. I blindly made myself believe that he was the one for me, I made myself see past all the faults and the negatives of being with him, I refused to see that he was all wrong for me. However he did give me life experiences and helped me to grow as a person and for that I am extremely grateful for having had him in my life. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. But now comes a new and exciting part in my life, I get to explore the world and live for me. No more restrictions and no more fights. Just what I believe. Everything that he taught me will always be with me and no matter what he will always be in my heart! The love will always remain but never taken further. I'm happy now and stronger than ever and no one can change that!!