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      My Sweetest Down fall

     




My Sweetest Downfall

I wrote this story for about three months ago.†I kept it inside my†heart and mind. And now I am sharing it†to you. Read along with me.



The truth about me is...





I am just a simple girl that can be able to learn how to love and be hurt.... I am 22 now, and at my age I've got a lot of experience when we talk about love... I was just in third year high school when i started to have boyfriends. I know it was just a fling love... A part of growing up.. A part of being a teenager. I know there were times that I was hurt... But as time goes by...I can say that time heal all wounds... So I continue on being such a girl having boyfriends, no worries about anything...I don't care if I was hurt, what is important, is that I have experience and learn how to love...



But all of that relationships where just a part of my flings. My games. I never thought that I would come into more complicated things... complicated relationships. Bigger problems and hurts. What I have just thought, is that I know what to do no matter what kind of relationships I may have... but I never imagine of falling in love to a guy who is not really my type. And in fact I had a boyfriend back then.





I†don't think it was really a real love... I just thought it was just a lust. What i felt for him. I thought he is a perfect guy for me.. Can give me what i want financially, and physically. But he is a nice guy. He treated me good but I don't think if he really loves me. For me, Iím not sure if I really love him too. What we have been talking about was not love. It was just a satisfaction of our human needs... When I needed him, he was there. When†he needed me. I was there too for him. At first.... we were happy with each other. I thought it has no end at all. I thought we don't have any problems at all. We were just thinking of our happiness. I broke up with my boyfriend. And love the feeling of having a relationship with this man. When I broke up with my boyfriend the whole world cursed me of having this relationship with a man I just knew for quite some time. I was so crazy about him and so I ignored what other people will say about me, about him, about us.



On the other hand, the people that know our relationship don't really agreed with us. My friends know our situation. They were telling me that I should stop this kind of frailties. But I never followed them. They leave us alone. And so we continued our relationship.



But then as time goes by i felt as if i was totally falling in love with my man... When I was not with him even just for how many hours i missed him so much. I felt irritated when I saw him talking with someone in his phone... I am jealous when he talks about other girls. And so I know I was falling in love with him... I love him.. until I know i can't afford to lose him..



Until the time had come.... the moment which was I never expected...



I missed my period, I gained weight, I got pimples on my face, my hips widened, my appetite is worst, my breast was fuller and other symptoms of pregnancy can be noticed in me. The moment that was I am afraid of. I dropped by from a pharmacy close to our house and bought a pregnancy kit. I knew it. I am pregnant. He†was†the very first person I called when I found out that the result is I am positive. And I told my mother about it.



My mother canít believe about it and of course get mad at me. And doesnít want me to have a baby. So I ran away from home. I went to his place and decide if we could keep the baby or not. I am unemployed that time and he is still studying. What†kind of life will we give to my baby?†Until we decided to let go of my baby. I came home from my mother's place crying and preceded the agony. It was the most horrible event of my life. At a young age I almost became a mother of a kid. I even think of where†will my baby got his ears, eyes, nose, cute little fingers, small cute red lips, his hair, will he be as tall and dark as his father, will he get it from me or to him? We didn't know. We didnít have any choice. I stayed at home and get rested for about a month. From that duration, he did not have the chance to communicate with me through text. I haven't heard anything from him. Month after, I got a job. I engraved my self with tons of work! And he continued his studies, trainings and continued his life without thinking of me. Maybe he met a lot of girls, go home late from bars, he do whatever he wants to do with his life.



One night, I got a call from him. He explained himself to me of why he did not call me etc.

And From that day I decided to end our relationship. A tear bursts from my eyes. Tears flooded my room, my heart, and in my whole being. Pain and insecurities ate me. And so I just work and just work and work. But I know deep inside me†i am a fool loving him, be with him and still in love with him. It is like he is in my system. A habit that is hard to break.



Until my heart doesn't want to beat no more for him or to anyone. After that very moment... I was awaked. Awoke in a very long long sleep. I thought I was just dreaming. A nightmare and that i can hardly believe that I had love a wrong person at a right time... I am filled with guilt...conscience and frustrations...

I don't want to lose him but I am thinking of what kind of pain he will bring to my life again.

The person we've hurt.... So bad... yet I have to let him go. For the sake of the people involve in us. I still cared for him. But I told myself that I don't want to cross the line again. Not again. And so we depart from each other... I looked back to the place where I know I have learned how to love so true and the place where I had been hurt so much. The pain was there so much painful... I never thought it was the end...and what I have now is the memories... I cried as I left that place...



Now how many months have passed...the pain is still there... but I know that, still God and time will heal all those wounds in my heart. But on the other hand I never regret all those things. Iím happy despite of those pains. Iím happy that I have learned how to love and be hurt. I will keep this memory as I continue to live in this world. I know everything has a purpose... And that I know the right man might come into my life on the right time...and that I will no longer love a wrong person and everything soon will be alright.

Maybe time can really mend a broken heart, and so I got promoted from my hard work. Time heal any wounds. But it leaves a scar in our hearts, and in the banks of our brain.



I don't know where he is now...Maybe he is also reading this...

But I will never forget him. Maybe If I get to see him. I guess I could stll remember him, but I don't remember the feelings anymore.



††

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