I'm in love with a guy that I cannot be with
We first met when i was 9 and he had a crush on me at the time, we also shared a kiss at he age of 9. It was so special and i really liked him at the time, but then my whole world came crushing when my parents decided to move to London.
Becuase i was young and so was he, it wasnt to hard to forget about each other. During this time of speration, i had boyfriends and vice versa for him.
After 6 years i went back to Turkey for summer holidays and saw him again, it was like love at first sight, he was everythng that i was looking for in a guy, tall, nice manly physic, dark hair and hazel eyes. We got to talking and he was taking me places to see as i wasnt very familiar with the scenery!
It was when we went to Mersin that things started to happen, we started to get even more CLoser! and even shared our first kiss, it was like hot lava pressing against my lips, the passion that we had inside us for each other was too hard to explain , his touch made my whole body melt and i knew i had the same effect on him becuase everytime our bodies became close his heart would beat faster.
Each day our love for eachother was growing stronger and we was even talking about our first kiss at the age of 9, he was telling me how much he loved me since that time. Also how he was excited and nervous to see me after such a long time.
After 3 weeks was gone i had to leave and come back to london, it was like my whole world just came crushing down, my heart was aching so much that i couldnt explain, i was crying everyday. However we still kept in contact nearly everyday using msn and messaging, everyday he would tell me he loved me and after 6 months or so i went back to turkey for 2 weeks. When i saw him all the feelings just resurfaced again but even stronger, i knew i could not live without this guy, we even talked about marriage when i finished university and when he came back from the army.
And Then smething happened, after 2 weeks,i had to go back to London. However this time somethng changed in him, he was less caring and at one time he didnt contact me for 1 week, i was worried and thought of the worst scenario of him cheating on me, some days he would talk about other girls who wanted to go out with him (which really hurt my feelings) and other days tell me how much he loves me. But he was a changed person that was for sure he never even texted me and always made up excuses. after a while i couldnt take it and broke up with him, even to this date we are not talkin, he texted me the other day sayin he misses me and loves me but i can not live with the idea of him hurting me again and not caring......I still love him and will always do, there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about him or miss him or even cry but i dont know what to do, i always wanted to get married to him, he is the love of my life, my soul mate and i know that but im not sure if he feels the same way anymore. He even makes excuses like how his parents wouldnt want us to be togethr even if we want it, furthermore he lives in Turey and i live in london, hows that going to work out. PErhaps he has a point however, i would be going university and after gaining a degree i would hopefully be able to find a good job there. The way i saw it was if you truely love someone nothing should get in your way and as long as you have each other anythng is possible but i guess his love for me wasnt as strong as mine for him. Even now i can not look at anyone else but him, i dont want to anyway, i love him and thats enough for me even if he doesnt feel the same way. Next year summer i want to go back to turkey for summer holidays again, i dnt know what i will do when i see him and i kno he is going to want me back but it will be too late, although i love him i still have my pride and would not let him fool me nor play with my feelings. Aww but i really love him, I could even die for him, the love i have is that strong!
Please help me! (i dont know what to do)