Just what I needed...
I thought i was a commitment-phobic. With every guy I have been with, I could stay with them until I thought they were going to kiss me, and all of a sudden I would just stop liking them. I never really understood.
I had started my first year at a new school, and by the time the first day was over I had already made a best friend. During the two years I was there I had 2 boyfriends. The first one told me he liked me over IM. I always thought that was kinda pathetic. When he asked me out I was kinda shaky to accept, because I didn't really like him. But in the end I did accept. We didn't even have one date. Every time he would plan one with me, I would make myself look pretty and wait. But every time he would call me and tell me he couldn't make it. By the fourth time I was sick of it happening. So I just talked to him at school and on IM, not really liking him but just going along for the ride. Then one day he pulled me aside and told me he wanted to break up. I said "finally" and walked off. Beleive it or not, to this day we are really good friends, but it stops there.
The second guy i went out with actually told me he loved me. I think the fact that the relationship went so fast is why i broke up with him. I was scared that he would try and kiss me, and I didn't want to. The day i broke up with him he was really heartbroken, he couldn't stand seeing me and spent most of the free time at school cooped up in a class room so he would not run into me. I'm not even close to friends with him anymore.
During those two years at school I had a guy friend that was just kinda there. He was a good listener and a great story teller. I got along with him great but i never really thought about him much. The first time i saw him thi year after leaving that school, i instantly fell for him. I don't know whether it was the way he talked to me, as if i was the only person in the room, or the way her listened to everything i said and would respond as if it was the most important thing he could be doing. We became really great friends very fast, at times I thought he even liked me. But it turned out that he actually liked my best friend. At that moment i realized how much I actually liked him, because even though it hurt me to know that he didn't love me, I wanted him to be happy. So i told my best friend that if she liked him she should go for it. She told me she didn't like him like that at all, and so i told him. He seemed upset and i felt awful. About a month after that we were even better friends because i helped him get over her. He only lived about a block away from me so i would walk over to his house whenever i wanted to see him. It became a daily thing for me to go see him and after a while his family had gotten so used to me coming over they just left the door unlocked for me. One day i was sitting on his bed while he was his desk IMing one of our friends. I looked down and saw a "dirty magazine", and picked it up and started looking through it. I kept making comments on all the girls , making fun of the fake boobs and telling him when i found a really pretty one. All of a sudden he got up and walked over to me, picked the magizine out of my hands and threw it to the side. He started to lean close to me and i started to panic. I wasn't ready for this, we weren't even dating! I was feeling all of my commitment issues boiling up inside me, i felt ready to burst. But the moment his lips touched mine it was like time stopped. Everything i was feeling just stopped. I got butterflies in my stomach as i wrapped my arm around his neck. He was so enthusiastic by my responce that he lifted me clear off the ground. It was the most amazing moment of my life. Later he told me that the friend he was talking to told him to kiss me. I thank that friend everyday of my life.