My story is far from the natural love or heartache story. Its about all the love's i've thought i've had. People i thought loved me and that i loved. But, its not that way.
I just lost a whole bunch of weight. People were finally notcing me. I was so new to the dating thing that i said yes to the very first person i met. He was the most popular guy at school but in the end denied ever going out with me. He made such a fool out of me that i never wanted to go back to school. But i did and i met a nice guy. Kinda of a flirt but i was young and he made me feel good. He commented on how i looked and told me sweet nothings. He gave me a reason to be proud of myslef and of working so hard to look that way. But the people at school got in our way with rumors and teasing. We ended up breaking up in the end. Every time I think about it I wonder what i was thinking. But io must of chose really well since my best friend took the jerk and lost it to him after i moved.
I got a little more experince and met someone who I said i loved but i don't think i really did. It was funn. But i never got that feeling you know?. When we kissed it was like just kissing warm lips. It had no meaning, I wanted the lips that i never wanted to stop kisssing. I watned the guy that i never wanted to leave. So i made him into that guy. Nomatter how he acted or what was said I made myself believe i loved him. But i don't. We still talk and I can still tell he has feelings for me but i don't think of him like that anymore. I can't. I've moved away so theres noway it could work. To tell you the truth i don't want it to.
To tell you the truth i'm so bent on finding the perfect guy that i can't look at anyone else. I can't love anyone. I want to find true love so bad that i'm missing all my opputuintys but i've had so much bad luck with men. Even my dad left. I'm so scared to get left behind like my mother. I'm so scared i won't find that special someone to give my innocence away to. To tell all the tbad things that happend to me. Even the bad things i've done . Someone that i know is all mine. Made espically for me. I watch romance anime day in day out. Why? Because in romance anime they look so loved they go thorugh so mayn trials and they meet someone for themsleves. The find love. Why can';t I? So you want to know my heartbreaking,its a heartbreaking story yet to be filled. Getting my heartbroken would be a welcome. As long as i felt something. Even for a moment if could get those butterflies in my stomach or those tingling of our lips kissing Or the shaking of my body on our first date. ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS NOTHING!Going day by day with nothing makes me wanna puke. I want to live. I want to live for someone. I'm in my second year of high school. I see all my friends togther with their boyfriends and i get so jealous. But i see their flaws with thier boyfirends and it makes me wanna cry. Only for a moment. Could I have flaws with someone. That wold be the best heartbreaking story of all. Because it would be the first guy to break my heart.