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      Im tired

     


Me and Tyler are childhood friends. We went to the same school since elementary, when we were young & innocent, our parents would always keep us close believing that in the future, we might be destined to be together. But as a child i never understood that, i never knew what love meant.All through the years i've known Tyler, it never crossed my mind that one day we would be a couple. When we were 16, her mom divorced his dad the reason why they left town. On my part, it was hard for it was so soon & it wasn't planned at all, it felt like a needle pricked me while he was telling me " we have to go start a new life but that doesn't mean you'd lose me, i'm still your best budd & always will be.. "..and all farewell words..I cried when i got up in my room & it took me years to get use to not having him around.



When i graduated high school my mom enrolled me at this State College where in it was far from home so i had to have a dorm. My first days were hard, the crowd, the pressure & stuff that really stressed me. Not until this new enrollee came up,who was so damn gorgeous and said " you've grown budd! "..it was Tyler.. I was in shock for i thought they moved out of the country but something inside me felt so good, relieved & it felt so great that its so unexplicable. That was the start where as he told me everything that happened to his life after there family got broken & of course i called up my mom & informed her that Tylers mom would be there for a visit & she reacted so elated about it, it's because after they left years ago, we never thought we'd see them again. A lot changed in Tyler but the changes made him a man. Then on our friendship got closer, i don't know how it happened, all i know is that i fell for him, i loved him eversince, & that one night when we went to watch a concert, he gave me roses & told me how he felt bout' me, that he loved me..what should i say when i feel the same way too..



We would stroll down the road talking about anything there is to talk about while eating ice cream & reminiscing our childhood days. We would hang out in this shop & play video games, he would sing for me & would take me out to the places i've never been to, He would tell me how much he loves me.

Then, he joined this singing contest at school where in it was his dream & i supported him all the way. I won't deny he's good looking that charmed the judges plus the voice that was so husky & cold & that smile that took my breathe away, he won, & he deserved it for he really prepared for that time to come where he could sing in public & show his hidden talent. I was happy for him, but at the same time, i began dying inside. Why? because since the day he won, everything changed. At school, while were walking together, girls would like run to him & ask him non sense, some guys would invite him for a house party & stuff, where am i?..there at the side waiting but i kept patient & told myself it was something i should've prepared myself of. But, i kept silent. Everyday, thats what happens & after it he would tell me what people tells him & then after wards he would leave for he promised his NEW so called friends they would go out. When i ask him to go take a stroll like we used to, he would tell me he's gonna have to practice more & he would tell me to ask my friends & go enjoy. When we're out just the two of us, he wouldn't hold my hand no more instead he holds his phone & he no longer listens to me when im telling him something, he wouldn't be there when my class is done like he used to but his out there talking to some girls & he'll tell me that "ohh, they were just asking something..".. when we go out & watch a movie perhaps, he would still be a fan but then, he's with his friends & im like scratched, & then they would go bar hopping where in i saw this girl holding him in his arms & laughing like i didn't even exist.



He changed & i'm out of the picture, what hurts most is that he doesn't say he loves me unlike before. Sometimes i even think he's just doing our parents a favor. I'm starting to get tired of being just a friend, i'm tired of waiting for the same old Tyler, why can't he just break up with me? Why can't i leave him? Is this what love really means? I'm tired of going thru the same routine, cause it kills me inside, & i can't take it anymore. The pain is unbearable. What should i do?.



Vacation is near & our plan was to go home to visit the place where we grew up but seems like i'd be going home alone. Plus, he sent me a note just this morning telling me " i'm sorry, i'll make it up to you".. but you know what, there's a bottle in here & i have 10 notes full of apologies & none of these notes had come true, he never placed it into actions. I have a week before vacation & my friends suggested that i break up with him. I LOVE him but how long should i wait?.. HELP..

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