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      My First Love Won't Die

     


Hey. I'm 16 years old and when I'd turned 7 years old I'd joined dancing. The teachers son was mentioned by my sister and just by hearing his name I wanted to see him and would search for him in the streets and for the description of him and guessing at every person and boy I saw but then one day he walked into my class I was so young but I felt butterflies and fell for him straight away it was such an instant and strong connection and I couldn't keep my eyes off him after this meeting it was like this throughout the rest of my dancing years. When I quit dancing I decided to just forget about it as I was only really little it couldn't have meant anything but I was silly thinking this because it was only just the beginning of my heartbreak. When I joined high school in Year 9 I became best friends with someone who was best friends with him when she started talking about him my heart skipped a beat when I realised it was in fact actually him she was talking about. She liked him so I played along and tried to tell her what to do to get his heart but I soon met him again and I felt that connection again it had all rushed back and I knew from then it had been love at first sight. Love at the mention of a name. We started talking all the time and as soon as we did I'd do everything for him there was no questions about it and we soon became best friends and very close. Hanging out all the time and talking all the time and ringing it was such a close bond and the feelings I felt got stronger with each day. Then one day he asked me out and I said Yes I never felt happier in my life and couldn't shut up but I was also really nervous as I'd loved him for 9 years already so when my best friends started criticising us being together and talking behind my back about it and laughing at me I called it off after a week and didn't let it progress. It hurt me so much that I was crying ad made up a different excuse I wasn't over an ex I just couldn't tell people the truth or hurt my best friends but it hurt me to let him go when I'd been after him for so long. Time passed and it was forgotten we stayed best friends and just got closer but then last year he split up with my best friend after they'd been together a few months even though she knew I liked him he kissed me. We were touching each others faces and he held me close then when I had to go he kissed me and it was the most romantic and fireworking kiss I'd ever experienced and I didn't want to leave. He messaged me all that night saying he was thinking of me and he loved me and wanted to run to mine to see me and he missed me. The next morning I woke up to a message off him telling me again and asking to meet him. I met him and we just grew from then a couple days later he was lying with me telling me stories of his grandpa and then he asked me out and of course I screamed inside Yes!  We became inseperable dancing to our song, he sang me our songs saying he meant every word, he'd stare into my eyes for ages and tell me he could see straight into my soul, we had a place and he told me he'd jump off the top of that if he thought I didn't love him anymore as he coulldn't live without me, he told me he had fell in love with me from the moment he met me, he told me I was the most gorgeous girl, he'd call me sleeping beauty when I slept infront of all his friends and he would call me gorgeous infront of them and tell them straight he loved me when they put me down, he would stick up for me even if it meant loosing his friends or family, we talked about our future together, we carved our names in a tree and its still there, we made love and i lost my virginity to him  just before I turned 15 and it felt so right it was so natural and it didnt matter how young we were, he would follow me everywhere and id follow him and there wasn't a day that went passed we didn't see each other even at weekends we were glued together, he bought me gifts just to show he loved me even though he didn't need to do that, he would tell me that he wants to love me forever and ever and that he would cus nobody could replace me, he would tell me everything and I'd tell him, we were just so close and people started putting us down he lost his best friends and I lost mine, it got hard and he and me would wish for a world where it was just me and him, I started to get bullied by his so called best friends and the pressure piled on, he went off on holiday in the summer with his best friend and his best friend kept pestering him to cheat on me at first he told him and everyone else nobody could change how he felt about me but then I became in danger because of a family issue and so he gave in and kissed another irl he came back and would tell me I was too good for him but he would never love anyone else and then the night came when he finished me he finished me telling me I was gorgeous and he would always love me no matter what happened and he knew he would. He stopped talking to me and I ran away that night screaming and crying and at our place I self harmed and tried to go ahead and kill myself he rung me and told me to go home and he'd talk so I did and then he just told me it was for my sake it ended but I couldn't handle it and didn't at for weeks, I felt sick and couldn't stop thinking of suicide, self-arming or crying, I started getting badly bullied and followed around the streets by these girls he knew and life got so hard. I loved him so much ad then I went out with someone else four months later and then he did. Ive been with my now fiance for a year but I still cry over my first love and talk to him as though Im with him and Im sure he loves me still deep down and I dont know what to do I have dreams about us and Im always praising him and trying to impress him but I love my fiance so much its just so hard. What do I do as my heart tells me it was love at first sight and I'll never get rid of him from my mind. Its hurting me so much and surely if he didnt care still and I didn't he'd leave me alone and we wouldn't keep going back into each others lives and we could stay away? Do you think theres something I can do to make this easier?

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