Have you guys ever fallen in love? If you have, just ignore the nexttwo or three paragraphs. If you haven't, well then, hey! Read it!That's why it's here, isn't it?
Falling in love can be good ORbad. Don't let people give you bs about how dreams always come true,and how we all live in fairy tales...because we obviously don't. Ifthis world is supposed to be a fairy tale, it's a cruel one. (Okay,fine. Maybe not as cruel as the Brothers Grimm fairy tales that we allhad to read in 5th grade. Remember those? No cutting off toes and heelsover here.) Life doesn't always work out like you want it to, andneither does love. Lemme tell you something right now: LOVE SUCKS. (Forme, at least.)
For like two minutes, you guys are gonna be me.Everyday, you see the person you love, whether you want to or not, notknowing what to expect. And before you tell them you love them, youguys are really good friends. But then, after "The Event" (tellingthem) it's just like you're an insignificant fly on their windshield(their life). And then things start getting better. Over time thingsheal. But you know deep inside, that your relationship, even asfriends, will never be the same again. There are some scars that timedoesn't heal. The awkward silences kill you. Looking at them kills you.Even just seeing them, or their name, or something that has to do withthem kills you. And every time you think of them (which is all thetime) you die a little more inside. Then you begin to wonder when yourlife will end so you don't have to suffer like you are suffering. Itcomes to the point where you would do anything for that quick andpainful death (best way to do it, which I've learned this fromexperience, is to just pay Sweeney Todd a quick visit). At the end ofthe day (at the end of every day, actually) you would give anything tohave that person there for you, in your time of pain. But then, youjust have to wake up and do it all over, and no matter how much youwish it would, nothing changes.
And every time the phone rings,your heart skips a beat. Every time you hear their voice, you jump.Every time you know they're near you, you hyperventilate to death (notreally). After a while, it comes to a point where there is no one elseon the entire planet that is right for you, but you just have to learnto let it go, or get over it. But you know that even when you grow up,and you get married (or whatever I'm gonna do) you're still going toremember your love for that one person. And if you don't remember yourlove for them, you will remember them. After all this is over, yourheart is permanently shattered into a million tiny pieces, and nothing,not even time, can mend it then. When that happens, you just have tokinda sit back and enjoy the view until you walk into the light (yeah,that was a bit extreme, but it's true).
I know that I just wrote four paragraphs about how I feel about this guy, but those four paragraphs don't even begin to explain how I feel. I don't think there is any way that I can put my feelings into words, and even if I did find a way, it would hurt too much. There is nothing more I wish for than for all my dreams to come true, but isn't that what everybody wishes for? I'm passed thinking about suicide and doing stupid imbecilic things like cutting myself. Now, I'm just a living shell, with nothing inside. I have enough energy left to sustain me as far as staying alive goes, but in my state, I'm as good as dead. I wish I could see him. I wish I could be with him one last time. I wish my wishes would come true, but I know they wont. I'm passed wishing. All my hope is gone.