The Friend Zone
Well, there's this girl. She's...amazing, really. Sitting here right now, trying to think of an adequate description, I'm realizing that there really isn't one.
We met at school, but were only acquaintances for all of high school. Then, the summer after I graduated from high school, we met up again at work (we ended up applying at the same place). I wasn't really looking for anyone. To be perfectly honest, I had lost interest in the female gender completely. I found them...unattractive as a whole(in terms of character, stereotype, and personalities, not beauty). I didn't see this girl as a potential "crush," if you will.
I wasn't even looking for a new friend. At the beginning, we talked some, and eventually did become friends, which was fine with me. Towards the end of the summer, we began to become closer in the friend department (we'd talk about very personal things). She was a year younger than me, but when I went off to college, it was only 2 hours away, which was close enough to visit every now and then. So I did. Despite the long distance relationship, I would say that our friendship didn't really suffer that much. Towards the end of second semester, I began to realize that I saw her as more than a friend. I saw how kind she was, how much she really did treasure our friendship, and how beautiful she was. She changed my perception about girls.
To say I started acting differently around her would be an understatement. I was either completely clingy, or stone cold. It took a few days for me to figure out how to act normally around her. I don't know if she knows or not. Either way, I can't bring myself to tell her. She has explicitly stated on more than one occasion how important our friendship is to her, and that she doesn't want anything to happen to it. So how can I break this one fact to her? She has said she thinks there is something I'm not telling her, which offends her. As a result, her response is to not tell me certain things. I feel as though I'm in a delicate dilemma, which if only blowed upon, will crumble.
So that's where I am in life these days. I think about her every day, and every time I do, I get that knawing pain in the pitt of my stomach. The even worse part is that all of my friends are hers too, pretty much, so I can't really tell anyone (let's just say I've been bitten in the back one too many times). Anyway, it helps to put it down in print...