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      Just like the song: "Blue eyes blue" of Eric Clapton.

     


meet him at high school, here in Mexico we made 6 semesters we keep the same group all along and then we change it at beginning of another.  So it was our 6th semester, the last one, and well the switching groups’ thing, make you know a lot of people but he had never been in the same with me though I had seen him because of friends we had in common. The first day that I actually spoke to him (Alex), I felt this strange thing when I looked his eyes I don’t know what it was… but it really feel directly at my stomach, but anyway, he had girlfriend at the time and we became just good friends he sat beside me the whole semester and we used to make jokes and chat through little papers, then talk over the phone because of home works, etc. It was the time for our Prom night and well, we all need a date so a friend of mine asked me to go with him, Alex was still with his girlfriend but then just about 2 weeks before prom he break up with her and he hadn’t a date, he kind of desperate told me that if I can help him to find a date, and since my best friend hadn’t one I told him to ask her, after all we all were friends; we couldn’t be on the same table and well I had a problem with my date because he just wanted to get drunk and I passed the most awful time, my best friend actually didn’t want to go with him and she just spent the whole night ignoring him.. So then he went at my table and he asked me to dance with him and then we talked probably all night that was the night I realized that I had feelings for him. The next day at school he offer to give me a ride and well we started to spend more time together, we spent hours talking and laughing we enjoyed each others company very much I started to missed him when he wasn’t with me and he used to called me on the phone so we could chat about our favorite TV show that we were seeing at the same time on each others’ houses, most of the time we just were in silence hearing our laughs. Then the summer came and well we didn’t have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend but we spent most days together. He went on vacations and I gave him a cute letter. When he came back he started to act funny with me but I decided to ignore this, he came to my home one day and he gave me a rose so I stop thinking something was wrong. I was then truly in love with him, and I felt that he had the same feelings about me, so then his visits stopped to be each day and the calls were not as frequent as it were, just like that.  All of the sudden I was the one calling him and look after him and I felt awkward to do it because he wasn’t home most of the times I called him.  I couldn’t ask him directly if he was seeing someone else because, well, we weren’t nothing ‘official’ and I feel shy I don’t know...So then we entered to college and we stopped to call each other, I was so desperate.But he started to write me emails each day. One of my friends, that was his neighbor, told me that on vacations he was seeing this girl and well that they spent a lot of time together, so then I has heartbroken but I didn’t want to stop to know about him so I didn’t stop to write emails each day, we told each others everything or so I thought.  One day near October his sister contacted me because she wanted me to go to her birthday, and well I decided to go, obviously I wanted to see him; by the time, all my friends knew that I was in love with him and they encourage me to go too.   So I went, he just waved at me, then he came and kissed me on the cheek, he told me he will be with me shortly, but then I saw him with her and they were just dancing but I felt really bad, so I just turn my eyes to my best friend and she understood that I need to left the place as soon as possible before I started to cry.  Of course I expected him to be with me just like before, my head was all messed up I couldn’t believe that what I was feeling was nothing, and that I hadn’t had a meaning for him so I decided to stop to write him I didn’t want to know anything about him for a while, maybe what I was feeling was just a crush, he was still writing to me and he asked my friend why I wasn’t returning his e-mails, that if something had happened to me. And so, I realized that I need an explanation or something to understand maybe I was just getting all wrong, so I called him and he wasn’t home, and I wrote him an email telling him what I was feeling, that  yes, I was in love with him and that I couldn’t understand why everything end up just like that, he answered the next day and he told me that he in fact had feelings for me that he loved me very much but that it was not the time for him to have girlfriend because the school was difficult and some other fool explanations, he didn’t tell me about this girl at the party, but I wrote back an email just with a “thank you”. He didn’t answer back.  So, my girls told me it was time for me to move on that it was just a boy, and I try to do it … though I didn’t tell them that I was thinking of him each day. Then at Christmas he knew that I was going to visit my grandma in another town and he called me,  when I hear his voice, I felt my heart jump but I tried to be cool, we spent an hour talking on the phone and then, well I thought that maybe we could be friends again, but my friend ,the one that was his neighbor, told me that he had a girlfriend that he had asked this girl just a few weeks ago... and he didn’t told me anything in our call.. Again I felt stupid. Months passed and then one day after St Valentine’s my mother told me that he was downstairs looking for me!, I was shocked!, he gave me a hug and I don’t have words to describe it, it was long and cute he told me in the ear that had miss me so much and I couldn’t feel my legs, so then we started to talk and I asked him if he had girlfriend he told me just a single “yes”, that was all, he immediately told me that he needed to leave, after he left me I started to cry and I decided, that for more tough that it was I really needed to forget him. I just saw him once by accident and he thought that I had boyfriend, he came near to me to say hello and he asked me “that is your boyfriend?”, and I said no that was all we said to each other… The truth is that now that it has been 9 years I couldn’t quite forget him, I haven’t had boyfriend and I feel bad, I  mean, I dated guys but, I haven’t feel that funny thing on my stomach again. I have thousands of explanations, of what have happened, you know I passed all the phases, first I blame myself, then I blame him, then I just told myself that it was nothing I deny him, I accepted it, boy!  I even blame my looks because I am chubby psychological, physical, self esteem, you named it.  And he has girlfriend now, I just added him to my facebook and he seems happy, believe me I don’t talk of him since a long time ago my friends think that I don’t think of him anymore and the truth is that I am scared to think so vivid of him still. As I said I meet guys some of them are good some of them just let me down, I am believing now that love it just a matter of luck and timing, so I just need to have my eyes and heart open and be in the right time and place…I really want to fell in love again.  

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