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      My Lost Fiance

     


As I sit in our home with our cat...all our things I can't help but wonder when you will be back to share these things with me.I am surrounded by you...your lactose free milk...your gluten free bread...your chair...your art work you did for me...everything that surrounds me is you. This is my story...I am a 20 year old female that lost her fiance 3 weeks ago today, it all started one cold night back in October....he asked me to go for a coffee...we ended up staying out until 3 a.m....and we did that 3 nights in a row....then he took me on a whirl wind adventure of love and feelings I haven't felt since my first true love. It was 2:13a.m in downtown and we left the club early to be alone together...and you stopped the car in the middle of traffic and asked me to be his and only his....it was 4 months later and we found our selves downtown again but this time something was different you were different....in the middle of the dance floor you looked me in the eyes and said something I will never forget..."I love you more than anything...you are my heart my soul my breath...I want to spend my life with you here and forever...will you marry me?" and I  thought you were kidding...

 

Now I wish we could go back to that moment...the moment in my life that I realized that you should stay right there with me like that always...Things now are very different.

 

Now only 3 months later I am sitting alone listening to sad love songs over and over again hoping that someone will come rescue me from my own personal torture of being surrounded by everything that I miss about you. Tonight I ordered pizza and didn't eat any of it...I only did it to smell it so it would feel like you were still here.I wore your sweater to feel the warmth and and to smell the linger of your aqua di gio on it. It feels like your still here and I am waiting for you to come home from work...only your never coming back.

 

I used to ask my mom...how is it possible to hurt so bad when your so in love....and my mom would say that's what happens when you lose your one true ever lasting love...I will never forget the night you left. We were sitting on the balcony and I remember staring into the sky praying and hoping to god that you wouldn't do it...that you wouldn't leave...then you looked at me and said "You know I love you right" and right then and there I could feel my heartbreak....and within a hour you were gone and I was here left to imagine what it would be like to feel your arms wrapped around me one last time...to feel your soft gentle kiss...to hear you say one last time that you love me....now I'm alone again and have no idea where to go from here...

 

All that there is left to do is pack up my stuff and move on with my life...forget that we once used to be the happiest couple...but I made more than my share of mistakes...that I said hurtful thins to get even with you..I know childish...but I am pregnant and I just found out....and it was supposed to be the beginning of our happily ever after together...now it will be the beginning of me and our child's happily ever after...because I lost my fiance.

 

I hope that one day you come across this and read this and realize just home much I loved you! I love you Luke.....Until The End of Time...I Swear!!!

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