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      He just used me, but i love him


Long time in my life, i believe i am just ugly girl, that will never be loved. My parents and family really not appreciated with everything i done, my classmate often insult me, and people around me always ask me to do something that i didn't want to do. i life to make them happy, i do anything to make them appreciate me as a girl, but the result is nothing, i become so frustrated and desperate start to believe i'm just trash and nobody wants me,

after i graduated from senior high school, my parents not let me continue my education because of financial issue. i agree with them, i am very up set and i don't know what to do in my life, i ever think to suicide to end this but my logic still warn me to do it.

i spend my day with chatting on the messenger then i met him, 40 years old guy from overseas, he asking sex with me while is in my country for business trip, i agree.( i know is stupid im just 19 never have BF, never dating, i just think it will be the crazy thing i ever do, he is foreigners and will leave, no emotion just to have fun), we chat for 6 month before we meet, he always encourage me, support me, motivated me, and he sound really care with me

finally we meet, i told him that i,m virgin, he ask me if i really sure want to break it with him,i said yes, i will not regrets its a sweet things i ever feel, the day after he notice me to not expect anything, i,m sure i don't want anything from him, it's continued for a month, i really enjoyed by his side,i understand he just want sex, but i can't help my self for loving him, i confess it, and he answer there will be plenty of man in my life and i will forget about him soon,

sadly, i never forget. im crying a lot but he still on my mind, i go to chat again and i found him there. we talk and discussed about my life and how i must improve my self confidence and change, if i confuse he always know how to gave me the directions. i got his number and text him till we meet for 2nd time,

now i'm 21 already have good job, join in university and life in positive way,feeling strong and valueable,i still love him and keep in touch with him, i know i just waste my time to love the player but i did, he is the only man i adore. the only one i trust

i know u will never love me, i understand there will be no future between us.its hurt to find u never be mine, but i can't stop to love you, even i heard u say nothing then sex and friendship its not change my feeling,

Theo, forgive me to love and mess the game we play


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