My vague story to share
like most anyone who has been through a heartache, you tend to be once bitten twice shy, right?
for sure, i have had my issues with insecurity and the whole lot of it: who doest growing up in your 20s?
i was married young. needless to say the marriage did not last very long. then a couple of years after the divorce, I meet him.
the one who flips your stomach. Whose smile as he shakes your hand in proper introduction makes your tongue go numb, then all of a sudden your mouth is filled with excess saliva. Or other such nonsense.
You excuse it, and brush it away.
He starts coming around.
You give him the cold shoulder.
He is still kind and attentive.
you start spending time together.
the first time he kisses you, you cant stop. You dont want to stop. its amazing. you keep turning around to kiss him again as you trying to walk out the door. there is quiet delight.
slowly, he reveals a heartache of his own, and you are caught into the web. he is a hurting jilted lover. and so are you, or formerly so.
you fall in love.
You Fall In Love. (infatuation perhaps)
after a few weeks, his attention wanes. his own personal demons perhaps rearing their heads, who know. but in your blindness, in your infatuation...you are slightly wounded. Still patience abounds, for doesnt love seek not its own? bears all things? believes all things? hopes all things? endures all things?
the smile leaves his face.
he tries kindly to avoid you.
never mind just last week you were in his arms,
in his bed.
You cant stand it. a year goes by of misery, having to live too close. Having to see someone consistently. and wanting to, but trying to be just friends. act like just friends. But he is no fool, and you arent either.
he is gracious. he is kind. when he is lonely, he wants you. you ask him once why not? why not? and it is an honest and kind response of: i am sorry. i dont know why.
there are silences. you both move away, but during your time together as friends you have made mutual friends. you still keep in contact. once he comes to see you, wines and dines you, leaving you feeling beautiful and so lucky.
and then you see him once in the next two years.
and now i realize, in my desire and love, as unrequited as it is in the romantic department (or so it seems...)
i wish him all the happiness and to know love, and to have some good woman love him with as much passion and respect...as i have for him
now, the hard part.
Making myself believe these three things:
1.It wasnt because you werent good enough.
2.Time heals all wounds.
3.He is not going to come for you, so stop waiting around
and being faithful to old memories and created grandiose illusions.
at least i still have my friend. and at least i know there ARE good souls out there amazing and beautiful like he is.
and hopefully i will meet more of them.