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To a lover lost
Meeting Darryl was truly fate. We had an instant connection that no one can ever touch. Our love has always remained strong, until now. I never laid blame on Darryl for any our past relationships, it was always me, me, me. This past weekend we went away to get away from it all, especially since we live so close to NYC. I don't know what happened exactly but I got extremely depressed on the ride home. I ended going home and subsiding into a massive depression, something that always drove Darryl into hiding into the past.
The more depressed I got, the more anger I felt for him. The bottom line, I told Darryl what I felt. How I was overcome with this intense anger, how I finally blamed him and I needed to say this to move on. However, I was upset, and never got a chance to work through my words. He felt like I was saying he was not good enough now, and blaming him for all my problems, or something to that effect. I still don't really know. He got so angry that his voice was as cold as ice. He said he felt betrayed, like everything he has done since now has been a sham. I tried to explain that wasn't what I was trying to say, but he wouldn't hear it. Now we are no longer talking as of this moment. The problem is, I am a wreck. I can't eat, sleep, no one knows we were back together, so I can't even tell any one of my friends or family.
Am I wrong to think that he should forgive me? Am I wrong to have said anything? We were so much in love just 3 days ago, and now I feel like it is gone forever, just because I was trying to be honest about the past so we can move on and heal.
I wanted to spend my life with this man, and now he doesn't even want to talk to me. I don't understand if you love someone so much how you can just let go of that quickly. He told me that he couldn't talk to me and didn't know when he would be able to again. I wrote him an email trying to explain, but I don't think that helped. Maybe it is gone forever, my problem is, how do I forgive myself and move on? How can I let myself know that I was the one who destroyed us forever?
A Broken Heart