I wil die waiting...
There was this one moment in my life that I have never been much happier, much fulfilled. Worthy.
It was when I met this lady whom I've loved so and cared more than anybody else. She was the reason why I smile every morning, which I don't usually do. I even tell myself to say her name first after saying my morning prayers. Her name was the first to be put out of my lips every day.
I've always told her that I love her in every way. her smile, voice, her face and the way she holds my hand, firm yet gentle. We were always at constant communication when we're away from each other. And my feeling was never gone. I have loved her always. "She was the love that was meant for me," I often tell myself.
She tells me stories of her past boyfriends. They gave her everything. But she told me that most of her past relationships made her very sad. Though she's in good terms now with her exes, she constantly reiterates those sad stories of her's after a break-up. It came to me as a warning. "I will never make you that sad again," I said to myself. Then I made a promise to her, "I will never make a single drop of tear fall from your beautiful eyes, the way they did to you, ever." She gave me a sweet smile after that.
Then one day, something just came up my mind and told me that she was never really meant for me. I was just a son of a ship cook. And she was a daughter of a ship officer, a chief mate, a soon to be captain. And i couldn't give her everything the way her past boyfriends did. So if I let her back to her exes, she'll have an amazing life! It would make me happy too, just as I thought.
She ended up crying, though I never did the way her exes did to her, the thing I did was far worse. "How about my love?" she asked. I couldn't utter a thing. I was just trying to bury myself from her greatness which in turn I didn't realize that I already had everything in life. It was her. She was my treasure after all. And she made me feel dumb. I was trying hard to give her the expectations of a true lover, while she had already made her part. She made me on the top of the world already and I didn't seem to notice. i was trying to build myself up for her, when she had already claimed me as her trophy.
Then I made her cry. My promise, broken.
i tried to reconcile with her, calling her, texting. But it never worked. Ive lost my life. Ive lost my treasure.
"I love her still, I will always be, All Yours." I now constantly say every morning for 4 yrs now. I often reflect on the situation and create meanings of her coming to my life like, "maybe she was the reason why I am still living? maybe that was supposed to be her part on my life. her presence then was the one that made my life whole, even if she's gone."
I now have a new promise to her, i will love her forever and forever it will, even if I die waiting.
a true heartache story. don't you believe? see my friendster, type in the name: Allyours.