Mr Perfect - not so perfect
I was fresh out of high school never having a boyfriend. I was very single and naive to the world of dating and men. I had spent a year out of high school and at university thinking I would never find the man for me. I had prayed and longed to find my perfect guy and what I was about to encounter was more than I could ever of imagined.
Meeting Mr ‘Perfect’
I was sitting in a club with my friends unimpressed by the men on display, until this guy sat down and started chatting to my friends and me. My eyes lit up as soon as I saw him. I could not believe that the most handsome guy in the bar (lets call him C) came to chat with us. The whole time our eyes were fixed on each other talking and making conversation. I knew there was something different there by the way he looked at me. As he told me about himself I was evaluating in my head how he seemed like the 'perfect' guy for me. He was a handsome, nice, easy to get along with, a gentleman and he was in the air force. I was thinking 'DING DING DING JACKPOT'. He asked me if I was interested in him in which I said yes. He smiled and asked if he could kiss me on the cheek before giving me his number. I knew it was different with this one. Unlike other guys I had met in clubs, I was genuinely excited to have met him and looked forward to seeing him again.
We had arranged our first date for the following week over msn. I had invited him out ice-skating with my friends and me. I didn’t really want to go because I could not skate, so I suggested the two of us could do something else instead, but he said he was happy to come despite not knowing any of my friends. He said he was going to teach me how to skate. When he picked me up from my house he was shy but nice. Once at the ice skating rink he stayed by my side the whole time. He took so much care in teaching me how to skate and I never fell over once. The whole day I tried my best to be close to him and make him feel comfortable. As we walked out of the skating rink we said nothing and just smiled at each other as he grabbed my hand and held it when walking over to the car. We were also going to go to the valley later that night with my friends, however he had to drop me home first before picking me up again later that night. Once at my house he leaned in for a kiss. The chemistry between us was immense. Neither of us wanted to stop but I had to go and I knew that there was more to come later that night. After I went inside I received a text from him saying 'I can't believe that kiss took all day...but it was worth it!'. When he picked me up later that night, we drove into the valley and parked in a car park. As soon as we pulled up we started kissing again. After a while I just lent across the car seat and held him tightly as he kissed me on the head and stroked my hair. I then sat up, looked at him and giggled. C asked me 'what was that for?'. I said 'I really like you' he smiled and said 'I really like you too' as he held my hand and kissed it and began kissing all the way up my arm before we were making out again. We were in the car for an hour before our friends contacted us wondering where we were. Once at the club with my friends and his friend, we stayed by each other most of the night. When sitting alone he would tell me how gorgeous and beautiful I was and I enjoyed just sitting with my arm in his. When dropping me home he gave me one last kiss before saying goodbye and he sent me a text as I walked through the door telling me how fantastic and pretty I was and that it was the best day he had had in a long time. The whole day and night with him could not have gone any better. I could not believe everything went so well and that I had found what seemed to be the perfect guy...however things were only to go down hill from here.
Down hill from here
I messaged C 2 days later asking how he was going but I didn't hear back from him. As the days went by I felt confused and down wondering why I hadn't heard from him. Then a week had passed and he finally messaged me. He messaged me saying that relationships don't last in his job and that his work is his first love. He then said that I was too good of a person for him to break my heart and that the guy I end up with will be very lucky and I should choose wisely. I was hurt and confused. I could understand his position in the air force and how he could be transferred at a moment’s notice, which made a committed relationship difficult in his position. However I didn't want to loose him all together. When you find someone you think is perfect, it can be hard to let go. I asked if we could still be friends. Two days had passed after I sent this message in which he replied 'Its hard to be friends with someone you are attracted to you. When I see you I just want to sleep with you and I know you don't want that'. I didn’t want that. I did not like the idea of being used for sex despite me being attracted to him. He then suggested something that shocked me to the core. He told me he had a proposition for me. He said that a female friend was meeting him in a hotel that night and he asked if I wanted to come and watch for a while! I could not believe it! This so called 'perfect guy' turned out to be a dirty sleaze bag sleeping with girls in hotel rooms! I was so angry with him and I told him exactly what I thought. But despite all this I couldn't hate him. He told me he lost all care factor long ago with relationships and that he could be transferred in a few months and never see me again so what was the point?...the things he said got me feeling sorry for him. He got me believing that the life he led in the air force made him incapable of having a relationship.
After this I made no attempt to make contact with him, however he always seemed to find his way back to me over msn and text. Through this we came back to talking terms. I could tell the life he was leading was not healthy for him and he seemed down and confused when I talked to him on msn. I felt the need to help him as a friend and we had grown fairly close by talking online. He was confused about where he stood with me. He would say how he looked up to me as a better person and how we could only be friends because he respected me too much. He would then tell me how pretty and amazing I was and how I was an angel. He also asked me if he could write to me if and when he would be sent off to service in Iraq or Afghanistan. He seemed confused about what he wanted and it made me confused as well. Since he considered me a friend I had thought I could help him, and despite knowing the life he led, I wanted to think something could happen between us. I could do nothing more as I had told him how I felt and what I wanted. It was his own issues he had to deal with and it was going to be him that would make something out of it or walk away. At the current time I felt like I was left hanging. As another two weeks went by, I barely heard from him and I started to believe that things were truly at an end with us. This did not stop me from thinking about him all the time, wondering how he was going and trying to figure out how things could be better.
Things turn around
Then one night I saw him appear on msn. My heart was racing as I did not know what to say to him or what he would say to me. He came online and told me that he has been thinking about me and that he really liked the idea of us being together. This is what I had been waiting to hear from him. He told me that he thought I was the most perfect girl on earth and that he had never met a girl like me before. However, he then said that it would take some time for him to commit and asked if it could wait till he got back because he did not want to be a liability to the boys with a girlfriend on his mind. I was confused and said to him that he didn't even know if or when he would be going away (to war). He then told me he did now and that he was going off to service in two months!!! I wasn't sure what to say but I didn’t want to give him any promises, so I said we could stay good friends for now. Even so, that night we were talking for ages on msn. He wanted to know everything about me and he told me everything about himself. He sent me pictures of his family, told me all his grievances about going to war and wanted to know how things were with my uni and my family. I felt he was finally opening up to me and that there really could be something between us. He admitted what a scumbag he was to me before and was surprised at how forgiving I was.
The big let down
He then asked me to come see him march in the ANZAC day parade through the city. Despite having assessment due that week I said I would because I wanted to be there for him. He seemed excited that I was coming and told me three times over where to meet him before the parade started and that he would come and find me. He also messaged me the night before to make sure I was still coming. Then when the day came around, I brought a friend along with me. We went to the park to meet him right on 9.00 and I messaged him twice and called to tell him that I was there with no answer. My friend and I were in the park for an hour and I did not hear from him. At one point I thought I saw him but he was with his air force friends and didn't seem to even be making the effort to find me. After an hour had passed, my friend and I left. I was upset, confused and heartbroken that he stood me up. I was so glad I had my friend there or I wouldn’t have known what to do. I decided to stay around the city with my friend most of the day to see if I would hear from him after the march finished but I heard nothing. By the end of the day I sent him an angry text telling him how I made the effort to come see him and that he was a s**t for not making the effort to come and find me. It wasn't until late afternoon the next day he messaged me saying he couldn’t see me and that he had run out of credit on his phone. I then decided I was sick of being stuffed around by him and I wanted to know what was going on in his crazy head. I wanted to know if he really liked me and asked if he still wanted me around etc...but he couldn't give me straight answers and he didn’t take anything I said seriously. It was then that I realised I would be putting more effort into him than what he was willing to put in for me and that he only cared and took interest in me when it suited him. I realised I deserved better than that. I deserve someone that will put me first.
Off to War?
After this incident, I did not hear from C for two weeks. He contacted me via text and asked me how I was and told me he just got back from visiting his family out of state. Then, a few days later, I turned on the news to see that troops were getting on a plane to serve in Afghanistan. I thought he had to be one of those troops. I saw the women hugging their men as they got on the plane, and I was thinking that could have been me, but he didn’t even tell me that he was leaving. Then one day L (One of C’s mates who I had also become friends with over this period) E-mailed me saying 'sorry C and I haven’t been in touch in a while, we have been training up in XXX and are coming back today'. So he did not go to Afghanistan after all! I got told this the very same I had arranged my first date with another guy I recently met. I then ended up going on msn that night and he happened to be online. I started talking to him and he asked if I missed him and he was being very complimentary towards me. We got talking about the issue of ANZAC day where I got to say how I felt about that to him. He was passing the blame onto me with regards to the ANZAC day parade. He said that I walked past him and didn’t even notice him on the day. How could I have noticed him when they were all wearing the same army uniform? Plus he was supposed to find me. I eventually left the conversation less than impressed. After that brief conversation I went to bed and woke the next morning to find a text message from him saying 'You are so stunning...you just blow me away'. Now I was flattered by this comment but I was at a point where I had been stuffed around by him so much I began to wonder if he was full of s***. Later on that night while I was at a party, he sent me a text asking if I missed him while he was away. At the time I said 'yes, but my question is did you miss me?'. He said 'yes. Every day honey'. Now this is what I wanted to hear at the time, because I truly had been thinking about him a lot and missing him and I had hoped he had the same for me. However my friends kept telling me that he was only saying that because he knew that is what I wanted to hear. So I sent him a message again saying 'Is that the truth or is it the alcohol talking?'...and he said 'truth, but i've been drinking'. I just left it at that and didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
Shocking new discoveries
After this, our contact was pretty much non existent, however I was still friends with his friend L and I would hear about how he is going through him. Over this time I had dates a few people and had learnt a lot about relationships and what to expect from someone in a relationship. Even so, I had never fallen for someone so hard and been attracted to someone to that extent. Then one day I met my friend L for lunch to catch up. We were having a good chat about things and then he said ‘C is getting married!?!’. I was in shock, but I did not show it to L. I just said ‘That’s good, as long as he is happy’. I asked about the girl and how he knew her and L revealed something to me that I could not believe. He said C was friends with her for years and they had actually been engaged for over a year. Apparently they were on a break from their engagement when he went out with me! L then asked if I would come to the wedding if I was invited! I said yeah sure, because as far as L knew, there was no bad blood between us.
We have contact – closure
After hearing this I was in shock yet surprisingly calm. If I knew this when it was happening I would have been so sad and hurt but because it had been many months I was very much over the whole situation. Then a week later C left me a message on msn giving me his phone number and asking me to call him. I had assumed it would have been something about the wedding so I decided to call him. I asked why he called and he just said he was wondering if we could catch up sometime. I just said, yeah I guess so. We had a brief ‘how are you’ chat then that was it. He never mentioned anything about a wedding. I later found out that they had recently broken up. I didn’t know how to react to this. I felt like the backup girlfriend when his engagement did not work out. I ended up chatting to him later in the week and we were both able to get a lot of things off our chest. I expressed my feelings towards him about what happened to us the previous year. Feelings and thoughts I had wanted to express to him in so long. He took it all and apologised for it. He knew he let me down. I told him that the next time he is with a girl he should learn from me and never treat her like he treated me. He said there are not many good people left and I told him that if he wanted a good person, he had to be a good person. You only get what you give. Because so much time had gone past, and I had been through so much with relationships etc over that period, I found it much easier to be open and honest with him and I think he appreciated it and respected me more for it.
Friends – the make up
I finally got closure with him, and from there we were able to become friends. He even offered to take me out to Lunch. By this time it was approximately one year later since we first met and had been on our first and last date. To think we had not seen each other at all in a year yet all this drama still unfolded. I was anxious to see him again. Would I get that rush of feelings and emotions again when I see him? Or would I see him and wonder what I ever saw in him? When I saw that car pull up to my house, and I got in and saw him face to face, it was like I had only seen him yesterday. We sat down to lunch and the whole atmosphere was casual and friendly. We were like two old friends catching up for a chat. He also paid for my dinner. I felt like it was a way to say sorry for everything he put me through and was an effort to get me back on good terms with him again.
Some weeks had gone past and we kept talking and maintained our friendship over msn. We would have great conversations talking about many random things and we found we had a lot more in common than we originally knew. I was genuinely glad to have him as a friend and was very happy to be back on good terms with him again. Then one day when we were chatting as usual he told me he had taken a shining towards me and asked how things were going with my current boyfriend. I said things were going really well and he has been treating me really good, but Id hoped that having a boyfriend did not mean we could not be friends. Then he said ‘I don’t care about that, I would really like you to be my girlfriend, and my friend….or my friend’. I told him that he already had his chance last year and I was sorry it did not work out then but I do have a boyfriend now and I would like us to be friends. He then said ‘I understand, I’m sorry to, and yes I would like us to be friends.’
New man – New life
This was the conversation I had with him just a week ago and I think it makes for a great finale to this chapter in my life. My emotional attachment, attraction and devotion to him throughout this period no longer exists and I was finally at a place where I could turn him down and tell him what I thought and felt with honesty. A new part in my life now has also contributed to this. I now have a new boyfriend who is devoted to me and treats me like a princess. I trust him completely and I know he will never let me down. He has redefined my standards of who ‘Mr perfect’ is and what I should expect from a guy and a relationship. So I know better than to put myself back into a situation like I had with C. Even though we are still friends, and I do care for him as a friend, I could not put myself back into that situation with him again. I think I am better than that, especially now I have someone who treats me how I deserve to be treated and I am grateful every day for it.