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      Changing for him.

     


When I was 13 years old, I fell in love for the very first time. The guy was my friendís brother. He was cute, strong, and funny, 15, but I didnít like something about him he used drugs. I donít know how or why I fell for him. I donít want to say his name so Iím going to call him bob. He treated me bad, like I was nothing but a mistake in this world. He would make fun of me because back then I was a little overweight for my age. Before he ever saw me for the first time we would talk and talk on the phone. But then everything changed, he stopped talking to me, and continued his hurtful words. I guess this made me fall more for him. One day my friend told me he would always talk about me, and that he told her that he liked me, I was so happy. I started dreaming about me and him together as boyfriend and girlfriend. He stopped making fun of me for a while. Then one day after finding out he liked me he went to a party. I found out something happened there. He had lost his virginity with his ex. I was devastated when I found out, I couldnít believe it, I thought I actually meant something to him but I had just realized I didnít. I cried and cried for days. Then I found out that the girl he had sex with had just used him. He was very depressed; he wanted to change for good. He said he was going to stop using drugs, because he didnít want to die, he also said that he wanted a girlfriend to be with. I was happy, I thought this could be my chance, my only chance, but after about one week, he forgot about what he had said. He started dating some girls from my school. He was in high school and I was in middle school. He said they were hot and would even tell me to my face he was going to go out with them. And once again he started making fun of me, saying I was fat. I decided I was going to forget about him. So for the rest of the year, I didnít talk about him or talk to him. I started exercising, and eat healthy just so he could shut up and stop. This was my biggest dream that he would come to me when I was skinny.

When I entered high school my dream came true, I was skinny and pretty (not being conceited). A lot of guys started noticing me, even more than when I was a little overweight. This made me so happy; I had almost forgotten about bob, I hardly ever thought about him. Then one day I saw him, after a long time not seeing him, he was there, the same place I was in, but he was with a girl, kissing her. A tear wanted to come out, I accidentally sobbed. He opened his eyes and saw me there standing, staring at him. He was surprised, and he stopped kissing her. I ran out of the room, I was embarrassed. I think he was going to run after me. I couldnít stop thinking about him again. I thought I didnít love him anymore but those feelings I once had for him came back. I remembered how much I had loved him, and how much he had hurt me. That same day his sister, came up to me, I hadnít talked to her for a long time, since I decided to forget about bob. She hugged me when she saw me, then we started talking again. She told me what she had done all this time that we didnít talk, and then she told me something about her bob:

ďMy brother was very sad when you stopped talking to us and coming to my house, and he said he had lost his chance, he really missed youĒ

I didnít know what to say and I didnít say anything I just thought and thought about him. I felt a knot inside my stomach. After 2 days of seeing him again I was with my friends just talking and having fun at some table, and then I saw him coming towards our table. I got up and started walking away, and he just followed me, then I turned around and yelled at him, ďWhat the f*** do you want, stop following me.Ē

He just stared at me and told me he had to talk to me. We went to a room and started talking. He asked me why I had stopped talking to his sister and going to their house. I told him the truth it was because I wanted to forget about him, because he had hurt me so much, like nobody else had. Then I started crying, he wiped my tears and hugged me. This was the first time I was this close to him, I wanted to kiss him but I had to resist. Then he told me he was very sorry, that he always made fun of me just because he really liked me. He was leaning in to kiss him but I stopped him and left. He followed me again and grabbed my arm. He told me he really loved me and that I looked really nice of how I changed and kissed me but then he started touching me. Then it hit me, maybe he was just trying to have something else from me, I just told him I didnít care what he thought about me and to leave me alone. I walked as fast as I could and went home. I started crying and crying and I decided to show him I didnít need him at all, and I started my second change.

With my second change I had to be with a lot of guys, I had to kiss them in front of bob and just ignore him. I had to party a lot which I had never did and get drunk and maybe do drugs. It all worked perfectly, I started hanging out with some guys that party a lot and had some drugs. Then I went to my first party, it was exactly how I had expected it. Bob was there; he didnít see me at first. He was kissing a girl and almost doing a porn movie there. I really wanted to cry, but I didnít I had to show him I didnít care and I could do what he did too. So then this guy came up to me and offered me some beer, then the next thing I knew, I was kissing him. Bob saw everything I know he did because he came up to us and asked me if he could talk to me. I immediately said no that I had more important things to do than talk to him. He left and I felt victory, then I started kissing another guy and then another one, and then another one. When I finally felt tired, I went to sit down to a chair, I felt like a total slut, I couldnít believe this was me. I had always thought kissing was so nice if it was with the one you love, not just any random guy, but I had to do it to show him I didnít care about him. Then some guys came up to me and they took me to a room and offered me some drugs I didnít want to do it but I accepted the drug. Bob came in the room and saw me with the guys and with the little package in my hands and told me not to do it. I told him to shut up, that he didnít tell me what to do and that it was my life. Then I started sniffing that white powder. I felt different I felt in another world, happy and I didnít care about anything, not even bob. The last thing I remember was bob calling my name. The next morning when I woke up, I didnít recognize the place where I was, then I started remembering things, it was bobís house in his sisterís room. Being in that room brought me a lot of memories. I remembered so many times I slept over, how I would cry every night thinking bob was in the next room. I remembered so many good memories, that I started crying. Then I see my old friend coming inside and we started talking. She told me, that I had changed so much in the past year, that she didnít recognize me anymore. I told her that I had really good reasons. She asked what those reasons were but I didnít tell her. Thatís when I realized my reasons were stupid but nothing could stop me of showing bob he could never have me because he had lost his chance. After that day, I continued with my plan, partying, drugs, and alcohol. Thank god I didnít include sex in my plans that wouldíve been more stupid. Anyway, in all parties I went I made sure he went so he could see me. I partied so much, soon I didnít do it just for him, I had become one of those people. I didnít care I felt ďcoolĒ. Then one day, the worst thing happened, I had ecstasy (a dangerous drug) and I combined it with alcohol. Then some guys took me somewhere in a car. I really donít remember this but somebody told me. We had an accident and I was at the hospital in comma for 2 months. It was weird I survived because the combination I made plus the accident. A lot of people were there when I woke up, but I was really surprised too se bob there, the guy I had done this for, the guy I loved, the guy that made me so stupid. He told everyone if he could talk to me in private and everybody left. I really still couldnít talk but I listened to him. He gave me a speech and this is what he said:

ďLook I know all of this you have done it for me, you want to show me you donít care about me, you also lost weight for me. Ask me how I know this. Well I know because one of your friends told me it was everything my fault. I had always love you since you would come to our house, since you were little and innocent, thatís how I fell in love with you and thatís how I want you to be because the girl you are right now I didnít fell for that girl, I hope you think things well before you go back to that life again.Ē

I started crying and I realized how wrong I was, I didnít say anything and he just left. I didnít see him for a couple of days but I found out he would call the hospital to see how I was. When I finally got out of the hospital I had trouble walking again, I had to go to some therapy to be able to walk again. In 3 months I was perfectly normal again. I went back to school, everybody looked at me weird. I started talking to him more, and we became very good friends. I never went back to that life; I started being the old me. He changed too, he stopped partying, doing drugs, and alcohol. I gained my old friend back, his sister. Everything starting going normal again, I felt really good. At the end of my sophomore year, He asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes and we had been together for 2 years already. He already graduated and Iím about to finish my senior year. We had talked about marriage even if we are still too young. We want to have a lot of kids, and help teenagers who had some problems like we did. I love him so much, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and I was so stupid thinking I had to change for him to like me. Now I know true love does exist because I have presenced the miracle of love!

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