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      I'll get back up

     


About two months ago, I got talking with a colleague at the place where I was having my internship. He looked like a nice guy but the very fact that he was handsome was the reason I didn't want to develop feelings for him. But he was always calling me, almost every night...He told me on one of those nights that he was attracted to me and he always wanted to see me...I naturally started liking him, though I still kept everything low and to myself. We went shopping once for corporate gifts for some colleagues and that was when I felt really drawn towards him. I tried hard not to show it, tried hard to be official, and I did it well. He was feeling something too, because he held my hands every time he could, and when we got in his car leaving, he touched my cheeks and I must have gone red!...I noticed there was another intern at the office who was always coming around him. I teased him about her once and he said there was nothing between them, and I believed. How wrong I was. Weeks passed and we became very good friends. I liked him as a friend, and always wanted to help him out whenever I could. I did my best to channel that attraction towards being his friend indeed, and it worked. I was sure that if nothing ever happened between us, I would still remain his friend. Weeks later I realized I had fallen in love with him, and I started avoiding him. He did not like that and asked me why. I told him I did not want to take our friendship for granted, considering that he was my senior colleague at work. He said he had things he wanted to say, but that he wanted to take things slowly…I struggled hard to keep my feelings for him bottled up – I looked like I was in control of the whole situation, even though it was a big struggle.  Things got to the peak when our company went for a weekend trip. We stayed in a hotel and on the last night, he came to my room. We talked, and danced together. In his arms I felt the world had stopped spinning. I was held spellbound. I’m sure he was too, because he literally turned red. Later that night, he told me he liked me and had become really attracted to me. And for the first time I told him I felt the same way. I was lost in his arms, and I had to pull back and let him go back to his room…I was sure things would never remain the same. Only three days later, he called me to tell me he had started going out with the other girl in my office, and I felt like dropping the phone. But he had told me there was nothing between them, even though it was obvious from the way things were that there was. How could he tell me he liked me and then suddenly get someone else? Anyway maybe it was not sudden, because I later realized that they had started seeing each other long all the while he was calling me. I have been having a hard time accepting that he is with someone else. What I felt for him was really genuine. I wanted to be his friend and be in love with him at the same time, but he just let something spark in me and let me be all by myself. Well, we did not go deep, but it hurts all the same. Why could  he not just be plain and open about the other girl? Sad thing is, with every passing day, I feel something stronger for him. I can’t help remembering the night I danced with him. He made me feel I belonged with him. It still hurts, but I’ll just have to help myself get back up, no matter how hard it seems. And when I do get up I don’t want to fall in love again if it will hurt this way. Saddest thing is, he probably does not understand how much I still hurt. But I’m strong. I’ll find a way…

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