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      Love Isn't Enough

     


My story begins in junior high. I'm T and this is the story of my first love. I am a lesbian and my story is about two people who all they ever wanted to do was to love one another. Junior high is the turning stage in your life. Where new flourished loves begin and betrayals reveal themselves by both friendships and relationships. All I thought about was new classes new faces and new experiences. It wasn't long before I met her. Her name I will conceal and simply call her Marie. We met one day at lunch I can still remember the sunny sky and the excitement racing through my veins. I had never met a girl as beautiful as she was. her best friend who will go by the name of Andrea was the first to introduce us. "T I would like you to meet my best friend Marie." She must have seen my face light up or a gleam in my eyes because she almost imediately smiled with such warmth that she dove into my heart. I froze, I had no idea what I could possibly say. Word were too common, what I felt inside of me was too strong to act in a casual way. From that day on we spent every minute possible together. I'd listen to her talk about her past flings. It didn't matter to me. I felt no such thing as jealousy. All I wanted was for her to be happy. The end of the year soon arrived and spring break was around the corner. I could no longer hold back what I felt and I decided to one day write her a letter that would explain to the best of my ability what I felt for her. I didn't expect her to understand...in fact I didn't expect her to ever talk to me again. I didn't know how she would react. I was a girl and she was a girl. Would she understand what I felt. I waited til' the last day before spring break. I handed her the letter and hoped she would not be disgusted or hate me. Spanish class lasted an eternity. When the bell finally rang I was excited and terrified all at the same time. As soon as I stepped out Krystal met up with me. "Marie is looking for you." I peeked over to see Marie and one of her classmates looking for me frantically. I quickly went home and waited for her phone call. That night she called me and told me how much she liked me. She was scared to like me. She didn't know if it was right. But she also thought how could something so pure so natural be wrong. That same week I went to her house and spoke to her. April 19 2001, we were official. I asked her out and she said yes. I hugged her tightly i could feel my heart racing and everything around me blurred. The only focus I had was Marie and her smile. Our first kiss was incredible. 'Til this day I haven't tasted or touched sweeter or softer then hers. It was almost surreal? The way we were with one another. We were passionate about one another. Our relationship grew stronger and stronger as each day passed. 8th grade year was amazing. She'd watch my soccer and basketball games and cheered me on in track. We were perfect and although we weren't out. People never stopped the questions and rumors. We shared similar classes and friends. Our interests were almost identical and our passion in life was exact. We wished to succeed in life. We spoke about high school she would attend katella high and I would attend anaheim high. It killed us inside to kno our love would he cut short. But we never talked too deeply. One night she invited me to her house. We sat outside her house in her porch. We had just finished playing baskteball. We sat there and looked up at the sky. She looked over and smiled. Her dimples made me weak. "I love you" I kissed her deeply and whispered the same. "I promise to love u no matter what T." I beleieved her. A week before our one year anniversary I received a phone call from her. She couldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do. "My mom read your letters." My heart sank. I knew that I had lost her. "And what did she say..?" my voice cracked. I could feel the tears burning my eyes. "I can't see u anymore, I denied I was with you." I didn't know what to say " why did u deny me?" she begged me not to hate her and said how her mom wished to send her away to boarding school. I knew that I was the only one that could stop her mom from doing so. The next day after school her mom waited for me outside. I remeber it so well. I was waiting for my dad to pick me up. When she stepped up to me "how could you do this?" she demanded. I answered " im sorry..." she continued to say how I violated her trust. You see, instead of me telling her that her daughter was in love with me I took the blame. I made it seem like I was the one who stalked her and couldn't let go. I did it so she wouldn't leave. "Do u need help? Your sick!" that made me angry " I am in love with your daughter and I only wished to make her happy. Im sorry that I've offended you." She shot back " I will have u expelled from this district!" I looked at her and made the hardesr decision of my 14yrs of life. "I will stay away from your daughter if u stay away from me, stay out of my life and I will do the same." We agreed. She drove off and my dad pulled up. "Hey how was school?" I held back the heart ache and nodded "it was ok" the next day I searched frantially for Marie. I finally found her....hugging her new boyfriend. I wanted to scream and cry. Tears ran from my eyes without any control. She cried as well. We looked at eachother and without any words we both understood. She was forced to show her family she was straight. And I was left with a broken heart to mend. The rest of the year seemed an eternity. Our 8th grade promotion was the last we saw of eachother. After the ceremony she looked at me deep into my eyes. Although we were distant I could feel the agony in her heart. I blew her a kiss and walked away. I turned once more only to see her sobbing like a helpless child. I wanted to hug her to hold her and tell her it would be okay. But my heart was broken and defeated and I knew I would never have her again. Its been 7 yrs and I still think of her. Some day some how we will meet again. And this time no one will get in our way.

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