1000 miles apart
searched for a website to read about love & heartache stories, to help me get over my first love and getting advice how to move on. I am 18 years old and with a 1 year old daughter.
I met this guy Nathan back in March 2004 in a hockey tournament.
This is my story
I went to this town for the very first time for a hockey tournament, where i played too. My teammates & I were at the Arena and thought we should head home because it was getting late. We had to walk to where we live, it was about 30 minutes away. On our way home, i decided to take this road instead of my friends wanted to take.I thought it was the short cut to home. As we were walking, a guy said "Hey You!" standing outside smoking and we didn't know who it was, so I said "hey"....my friends asked me to bum some smokes off of him, so i did. He asked where were from and i told him. he said he knew some guys from there and he named my brothers. i told him they were my brothers and he got surprised and said they never told me they had a sister. he invited us inside the house for awhile because it was so cold outside, he was a little drunk. My first thought of him was "nice, cute ,but is he an alcoholic?". My friends decided to head home and we went out before we left, he asked my name! but i didn't give it to him, because i thought i was too young but excited & scared at the same time. he asked my name again and i said unknown, but my best friend shouted out my name! he said he would ask my older brother for my email. I had butterflies because a hot guy noticed me, i was really looking forward to meet him at the Arena. I went to the Arena, looked for him...no sign of him anywhere. But my best friend saw him at the arena and he asked about where was I. I left that tournament without seeing him again.
Few months later, while chatting on msn, he said hey! do you remember me? oh boy did my heart race. i said yeah! we send ed each other emails about how our days went,likes n dislikes,pictures and everything but i never gave out my home phone number. he was OK with it. few months of long love emails of meeting i gave my home phone number, we talked n talked n talked like 3 times a day, probably did 7 hours on the phone. we were crazy about each other, we connected, chemistry it was all there. but we didn't become a couple just yet. I didn't want to go out with anyone because i was still in High School and he was attending college. he told me he was going to wait for me.
few months later 2005, i heard he has a g/f who looked like a model & lived closer where he's from. I saw his website pics of them. I was really hurt. he would still call me & email me once in awhile, foolishly i was falling for him. he emailed me once that he said they weren't doing too good with his g/f that she was moving away. the tournament where we met was approaching quickly and decided to meet. it was march 2006, i had no money to pay my plane ticket but he was willing to pay for it but it was all full. i cried out asking my mother to pay for my ticket earlier it was the first time i told her about him i never cried about a guy in front of my mom before i told her i love him and i didn't want to wait another year to past by to see him again. Luckily, I had a phone call from a friend who was looking for a buyer to pay for a seat for a small plane but I told him I had no money but my bags were ready to go. He told me to come to the Air Port right away and that he would pay for my ticket because he knew how much I wanted to play hockey too. I was so amazed and surprised what it can happen to fast. So, here I am up in the air at night flying to that town again all happy, listening to music, one song was “When you love someone” by Bryan Adams. I was crying of joyful tears. When I landed, it was one of the happiest moments in my life. So, I drove to Arena with my friends and I was told that I was playing in 15 minutes! I quickly took out my hockey bag out of the vehicle and I heard someone saying “Veronica is that you?” I recognized the voice, it was him. He was sitting in the vehicle on the other side, and I went up to him. My heart DROPPED. He took my breath away; he was so gorgeous then how I remembered. I told him I would meet him after when I’m done playing my hockey game. But I didn’t play, the other team wasn’t there, so I went to the Lobby looking for him, there he was standing there all breath taking 6’4, brown eyes, brown hair, the sexiest body and the best smile I have ever seen. He walked up towards me, and said “Hi” I was really shy. People were looking at us of course, it’s a small town, everyone knows everyone. We talked and went pretty good, all smiles. My teammates told me we were play at the other Arena, and I needed a ride to there so he said he would take me there. Before my game at the Arena, in the Lobby, he kissed me for the first time. I was crazy in love. I scored a hat trick, which was a really good game for me. I was spending most of my time with him, hugging, kissing at the Arena. We drove around town, talking, listening to music and we stopped at a store which was closed at night and he didn’t tell me why we stopped and said let’s go out, so we were outside, it was really cold. He looked at me in the other end of the truck and I looked at him for few seconds and smiled and he came up to me and said I just wanted to hug u and kiss u. he picked me up and kissed me like in the movie “the notebook” but our moment was snowing, slowly. It was the best ever. I met his parents during the tournament, when the tournament ended he asked me if I wanted to go to his hometown for the night, it was a 3 hour drive on a river ice. One of his smoke breaks, he were standing outside and looking at on the sky and he said lets have our own star, so we took the one on the big dipper, the 3rd one, he said where ever I will be in this earth, I would look at that star and it will remind me of us, thinking about each other. We lived across from a bay from each other; it was expensive to go there. I loved our ride together. I stayed another week at that town, I didn’t want to leave just yet, on our last night with each other, we watched a movie, and ran away the house, we were home alone, we played games and tease each other. He was hided away one time and I was so scared to look for him in the house and he grabbed me by surprise and I screamed it was so funny. I went back home crying, on the plane saying my goodbye to him was hard, it was really hard to see him standing there and waving because I didn’t know when I will see him again. Few months later we still talked on the phone n emailed each other. We had a fight one time because girls were telling me he was seen with other girls in another city. So, I went out that weekend and got really wasted. But we still talked after and He joked one time that he “cummed” in me when I was with him. I wasn’t really happy about it I didn’t believe him, I didn’t go to the Clinic to check. 3 months later, I didn’t have my period. I told his sister about it, and begged me to go check. So I went the next morning and found out I was pregnant. I had to tell my parents right away when I got home, I was 16. They were really supportive and I was so scared to tell him in the first place, I thought I would upset them. I told them who was the father and said well, go phone him! So I did, and I cried out telling him, it was the happiest time ever! He was so happy to hear too, he told him parents right away. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to carry the baby because I was still in high school and I was really focused on my hockey career. And I mentioned to him I wanted an abortion. But he said “no, don’t do that, I will be there, always” and I believed him, so I kept the baby. I was around 3-4 months already. We were happy and in love. We send ed each other songs like You’re all I need by white lion, Ballad of Jayne by LA GUNS, AMANDA by Boston, Your still the one and From this moment by Shania Twain all those Rock Love Songs. One of his visits he asked me to marry him, I said “yes”. But it wasn’t something official. We had fake rings and we put them on each other and promised we would love each other forever. I was on my orientation trip for College Visits, I was getting big. I had a phone call from a guy friend before I left my home town. He told me something I never imagined to hear, he said that we hooked up one night during a party and we were really wasted, and I don’t remember any of this. I was shocked and scared to carry his baby! I cried every night wondering, how, when, why him. I know I was mad when I went out to drink that weekend when I heard my bf was seen with other girls. I didn’t know how to explain what was I told to my bf, the person who I thought I was carrying his baby. I had to tell my friend Martina about this and I trusted with my life not to tell anyone until I do. So, during my trip, I had a phone call from my bf he asked me if it was true, of course my friend had to tell him! I knew some how she didn’t like me being happy with this guy. And I told him the truth; I said I don’t remember sleeping with him! and I don’t know who’s baby I’m carrying, I offered him to leave me, but he insist on staying with me no matter who’s baby it is. I was really surprised to hear that from him, I thought he has a big heart. It was a tough night for me, carrying a baby and wondering and hoping its his. Few days before Christmas, his parents called me and asked me if I wanted to be with them on Christmas day, that they would pay for it and back. Was over and we knew it wasn’t his baby, because of my due date. It was a little bit late. He stayed with me, he touched my belly and felt the kicks and talked to the baby ad said he loved us very much. I felt really sorry and I was sad all the time and mad at myself. And I told him how I felt and he said he must’ve deserved it, because he said he wasn’t serious with them( his ex’s) and always cheated. Slowly he acted different each week passed by, like our love was fading away…. He went with me for my labour, we had to wait about 3 weeks for the arrival, we had so much fun together and he really helped me a lot. I have this one funny story but I won’t say it because it’s too long. Lol The baby arrived, he was holding, kissing her like it was his. We took pictures of us. It was a special moment for me. We got back to my home town; he left the same day to his home town. He had to, because of an important meeting. I promised myself not to cry again when he left at the Air Port, when he gave me this Goodbye Kiss, somehow I felt it was the last time. I looked at him walking away towards the door and said “take care of her, and I love you both v”. I went to the washroom, holding the new born, crying my heart out. He phoned that night, and said if he had money to come back the next day he would. He said he missed us so much. He cried. He asked me if we can have our own baby soon. I said “ok” because that’s how I felt too. Few weeks later, we didn’t get to talk that much, I was sleeping early and attending school and had a baby to care about. Our love was fading away, we didn’t spoke for days. I was confused mixed feelings, wondering if this guy will leave me. If he cheated I knew it would really hurt. I felt ignored and not important when he left to a city for a tournament without telling me, I trusted him though. So few days later, my friend passed away, I was really sad and felt lonely, I emailed my boyfriend and I told him it was over. I was afraid he would hurt me and I felt awful being with someone, when I have someone else’s kid. He said it was over too, but I emailed him back and told him I was so sorry what I said but he didn’t change his mind. We didn’t spoke for awhile, I got depressed, and my baby was only 2 months and attending school. I got so much in stress, I wanted to die. I never called him or emailed him back, I kept wishing I did. Mothers day came, he emailed me saying happy mothers day and I miss and love you both so much. But that didn’t get us back together, but it still meant a lot to me. Because I still had strong feelings for him and I wanted him back more then ever. Every time I hear a song or I see a movie that reminds me of him it hurts. I went to my mother so many times telling her how I felt. Around November we chatted on msn a couple of times and asked if I was with a guy and he said he heard I was with a boy but I wasn’t seeing anyone. He was my last. And he mentioned that he was talking to someone and I told him it will tore me apart if I knew he was with someone and I told him I still feel the same way as I use too. Few weeks later I found out on his website, he’s going out with someone from closer from where he lives but that girl moved there for family reasons. And I recently found out she’s pregnant, she’s 12 weeks. I cried every single night when I found out. I lost him! My true love, she stole my happiness. I can’ stand looking at them on their pictures together, wishing it was me he was kissing on them. He called me after Christmas, he was a little bit hangover and we talked like how we would like old times. It was special for me. Somehow I felt he still cared. And one time he called me when I was home alone, bugging me from work he was phoning me and dropping it while I took the phone like 12 times. And asked me if the ringer was quite and I knew it was him. I didn’t know what to think when he did that. My daughter is 13 months now, I am happy to have her, ever time I look at her I see my past. Sometimes I’ mad sometimes I’ happy. So yeah, I still love him till this day. I would be with him if he wanted to be with me, even though he will have a baby with her in August. I cried so many nights wishing we would be together, I dreamed of us, I cry ever morning, knowing it’ not true. It really hurts deep down in my heart where I didn’t know sum places that exist. There’s this Sweet guy who I’ve been talking too but I can’ get over my first love, I can’ let anyone else in, he doesn’t give me the excited as my first love does. It’ not the same… Next weekend, that tournament is approaching and I am taking my daughter with me, I am 100% sure I will see them together there. I don’t know what will happen. I just want to see him again. And it scares me. I wonder what will happen in the future…will he marry her or who knows. But I know for sure this love I have for him; it will always be in my heart. waiting for him.