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      How do I move forward from here?

     


Almost five years ago at just 16 i met chris, he didnt go to my school, he was much mature and sensible then the lads at my school and i instantly could see me with this person for a long time.



Within days HE told me he loved me and within weeks i could see me with this person forever.

Just 2 weeks into or relationship i went away with my parents and i missed chris like crazy, i was pining for him and yet it was quite exciting because i loved the feeling of being so in love.

When i got back off holiday, 3 weeks into our relationship, we slept together for the first time, it was the first time for both of us and im sure you here this all the time but it really was special.

For the first few months of our relationship, we would stay the night at eachothers houses loads and stay up till the early hours of the morning just lieing in eachothers arms, it really was perfect.



Now im not going to lie and say we didnt argue because we did, im very hot headed and would start arguemets for silly reasons, but they never lasted long, and i would always feel awful afterwards, and praying chris wouldnt end it.



4 months into our relationship chris asked me to marry him, yes it was soon, and yes we were 16, but i knew i loved him more than anythingelse in the world.

In feb 04, 6 months into our relationship, and at just 17 i found out i was pregnant, i was on the pill but was taking it stupidly.

We decided to have an abortion, and although it hurt so much, it brought a whole new meaning to our relationship, i knew at that moment just how special chris was.

In may 04, 9 months into our relationship, chris finished with me by text message, i was devastated, we met up regularly and often ended up sleeping together and then after a monthe we got back together.



For the next 2 and a half years we continued to go from strength to strength, yes we argued like i said previously and yes it got to chris more than it did 2 me, and yes we didnt have sex as much as we used to but i assumed it was normal and i still do.

In june 06 we went on holiday abroad for the first time togther, it was lovely having quality time together, we did argue more than usual, i still don understand why because we did it the year after on holiday too, i guess its seeing eachother 24/7.

In sep 06 chris finished it by text again, honestly it came out of nowhere, and then he switched his phone off, so i couldnt get answers, it hurt more this time as we had now been together almost 3 and a half years.

I couldnt eat, sleep, and did nothing but beg him by text to take me back,.



During this time i slept with somebodyelse, i still wanted chris, and i guess i did this out of anger.

When chris text me 2 months later to meet to i jumped at the chance, and when he asked for me back i couldnt have been happier, maybe i was stupid, but i loved this man so much there was no way i could have said no.

Chris was always a lot betetr at showing his affections than me, im very good at letters and gestures, but chris is very loving in public and i felt lucky to have somebody like that.



Up until last week everything was fine, and then on sunday chris went out with his friends (03/02/08), its rare for chris to go out and i honestly never objected when he did but because it was rare i did get insecure.

On the sunday night i text chris gudnight, and he never xt back, i know it sounds silly but we always txted eachother gudnight, so this sparked major insecurity, i dont know what took over me but i knew deep down it was over, i rang him over and over again all night, until he switched his phone off, i then left him LOTS of voicemail.

At 2am he txt me and said i was being silly, i actually thanked god that we was okay!

On the monday morning i was still insecure, i went to work and had to come back because my nerves were all over the place, he text me to say we were ok, but i wasnt convinced, he txt me gudnight at 7pm, almost like he wanted 2 get it out of the way.

I rang him on tues because he said he was not in until 9am but he txt me say he couldnt talk because he went in at 7am.



I know your all thinking i should have got there first and ended it but i was holding on for dear life until finally late tues morning he text me 2 say it was over.

I cannot describe the pain, i told this man things ive never told anybody, and yesterday (09/02/08) i begged gim to meet me, when he agreed and we met, i just sat thereand cried, i cant say he was horrible to me because he wasnt, but i couldnt leave him still broke up, so when he told me we wouldnt be getting back together and he couldnt tell me why becuz he didnt know himself, i went over to the park and took an overdose.

Like a miracle a paramedic came past and phoned an ambulance, i went nto hospital, and had lots of tests, i was okay but the worst thing is i didnt want to be ok, if i didnt have chris, and im still feeling like that now.

It would be easier if he treated me bad but he didnt, he was lovely to me, and now i feel empty, after 5 years togther, i still have no answers off him, what do i do?

advice please x

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