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      Losing something you never really had


o.k. well i met this girl around 3 and a half years ago. she was my friends girlfriends sister and she was staying with my friend and her sister because she had just had a baby with her boyfriend who was in another part of the country workin for a month or so. at first my attraction to her was purely physical but as i got to know her i started to really enjoy being around her. i refrained from trying to have any kind of relationship with her except for friendship because of her boyfriend and the baby and she seemed very happy with the way her life was. some of you may have a different opinion of me by the time you finish reading my story but i really am a nice guy. about one year later i was talking to a female friend of mine and she was talkin to (lets call her amy) on her msn. i asked my friend to ask amy if i could have her email address. at this point i had no more intentions with her then i did before, just friendship. amy said yes and that she'd love to get in contact with me again. anyway we started chatting on msn innocent enough at first but as a couple weeks or so passed she started to confide in me that things were going downhill with her boyfriend and she wasn't as happy as i thought she was. i started to reassure her about what an amazing person i thought she was and that he should feel lucky to be with someone like her. she told me how she loved how i made her feel and that i could make her laugh and forget all her problems in an instant. she told me how she wanted to leave him because they were always fighting but she found it hard to leave because of the little girl. after hearing this i thought to myself maybe it wouldnt be so wrong after all if i tried to have a relationship with her since she wanted to leave him anyway. so i confessed to her that i had very strong feelings for her and if she wanted to leave that id be there for her. she replied that she had really strong feelings for me too. i tried to convince her that we should get together to see if there was a spark when we hold each other in our arms. she was weary about it at first but she agreed that we could meet. when we did there were'nt sparks but an explosion of love and affection, something she said she never felt before with (lets call him tom)him. after that night we continued talking on the phone and msn and we fell deeper in love with everyday. i remember one night in particular that was so nice. she wanted to hear some music and she put on an old ballad called "when i look into your eyes" by the band firehouse. i walked over to her took her in my arms and we held each other close and danced. i looked into her eyes and sang it to her. i told her how much i love her, that she meant the world to me and i never wanted that moment to end. over the two years we were in love we were only physically together 5 times because tom would be home from work and we couldnt get together plus i work away from home too and i would only be home about 4 to 5 months out of the year which was around the same time he was home. she kept telling me that i was the one she wanted to be with and that she loved me more then anything but tom was a pretty good father and she found it very hard to leave and i believed her so i waited for 2 years, going to bed alone every night praying that the day would soon come when she would finally leave to be with me. well that day came on december 27th, 2007. i got the news from her sister that she'd left and i'd never been happier in my life. the very next day i get a friend request on bebo. this was toms sister. i thought oh well im going to get chewed out now but i was too happy to care. i accepted the friend request and toms sister asked if she could add me to her msn. i said yes and she gets online and tells me that amy had indeed left tom...for someone else!!! a guy she'd only known a month. at that moment my entire world fell to pieces. my jaw hit the floor followed closely by my heart. the girl i waited 2 years to be with had blown me off for a guy she known 1 month. from around december 24th up until just a couple days ago i never heard from her. she tells me how sorry she is for breaking my heart and that she never meant to hurt me but it just happened with this other guy. she said she fell for this other guy because he's a daredevil and he makes her feel alive. i probably dont deserve any sympathy from anyone, but now my heart is in shreds and i break down and cry over her every night. you must understand i love this girl so much i cant believe it myself sometimes. i would give my life for this girl. i know, it sounds crazy to me too but i still want to be with her and i think theres a chance we can still be together because i truly believe she does love me (i realize how naive that sounds) but how can i trust her after this. does anyone have any advice for me? i want to fight for her but my head tells me shes not worth it but my heart says this is the first person you ever truly, deeply loved and i'll never be happy if i dont fight for her. im torn in two over this. comments and advice are more then welcome. sorry for the long read and thank you for your time.


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