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      I messed up bad --long.


The first thing we swore to each other is " I will never hurt you or cheat on you"

We both lied. And now it's too late.

We had been dating a few months when I found out that he fingered my best friend. He hid it from me for about 1/2 a year. Well, secrets like that don't stay secrets forever. I found that I could forgive him eventually. And this entire time, I let him explain his side, and I didn't let anyone else infulence my decsions.

Well, 1 year and 3 months later, everyone was convinced we'd last forever, I'd hoped so too.

I was having the worst day ever, My grandparrents told me that they never wanted to talk to me again and my entire family made me feel like crap. So I come home and Casey comes over since I hadn't seen him for a week he was supposed to be able to spend the whole day with me and make me feel better. No, he got to come over for about 1 hour because his friends Chris and Charles don't know how to go home. My day just kept getting worse and worse. So our good friend Cody came over.

He gave me a hug and we hung out for a while.

He started going on about how he loves me so much. And well, I had some feelings for him to. It was starting to seem like me and Casey we going to fall apart so I wanted to explore our feelings a little bit. We kissed and well, one thing led to another and he put his penis in me 1 time. It wasn't even real sex! And I knew that second that there were no feelings for him. And so we were going to tell Casey together. The next day he told him a tottaly diffrent and inaccurate story. So Casey calls me up, yelling and screaming at me that we're over. I was and still am more hurt that he did it because his friends told him to. I gave him a chance and he never returned the favor.

Well, I walked to his house at 11:00 pm in -15 degree weather to try to explain it to him. When we talk on the phone he asks me back out like constantly and tells me that he loves me so much. But when anyone else is around we use the code word "pickles" If he truly loves me, wouldn't he just say it? And why can he forgive Cody so fast, he isn't and never was mad at him! Shouldn't we both be guilty, not just me?

And I ask him if he wants me to quit fighting for him and he says no, but then he tells everyone that "I'm so desperate for him back" And he calles me his stupid ass ex when ten miniutes earlier I asked him, "so are we back together?" And he says "yeah baby we are."

WHAT DO I DO!?!?!? I can't just move on.


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