I Love You Came Too Late - by muffin
When i was still in my first year in high school,I met this guy.i accidentally bumped into him at school.He was at least 5'6 or so.He was good looking and fair-skinned.I was 5 feet only at that time and sort of morena.
I almost fell to the ground but luckily he was able to grab my hand.After that he said "Be careful next time miss."I looked up to say sorry and thank you because it was actually my fault.Before i could go'he smiled at me hesitantly and i had the feeling that he wanted to tell me something.So I asked him.That was when i found out that he was not from our school and that he was actually looking for his friend.He asked me if i could accompany him to look for his friend because he was unfamiliar to our place.Out of hospitality,I did.After that we became friends.I was still reluctant at that time because he was a city boy and i was a rural girl,although i studied in a catholic school.Oh,by the way he was 2 years older than me.after that,unexpectedly,we became the best of friends.Although i hate to mention the fact that we are of the opposite kind.I'm not talking about our genders.I'm talking about our atittudes.He was deffinitely not the kind of person that you could call a "good one".He was egotestical,cynical,condescending,brutally honest,and stubborn.Well,stubborn recognizes stubborn.His criticisms boost up my determination to change into a better person.after 3 years of friendship,something happened.His girlfriend,leah,broke up with him suddenly.I saw him cry his heart out.I never doubted that he loved leah that much.It was the very first time i saw him cry in front of me and it was hurting me to see him torn apart like that.He looked miserable.But all i could do was offer my hands for comfort.Weeks had passed but he still seemed hurt.4 months after,he said something that changed everything that we had build up,3 yrs. ago.
"I want to court you'if it would be okay."He said looking tensed.
"What?!Are you insane?Of course it's not okay."was my sudden reaction.
"I love you.I'm not talking about the 3 years of friendship.I'm talking about now and you know that.I want to cross the border of our friendship."He said.This time he was looking so serious.But I couldn't believe it.Still refused to believe it.
"if you still can't believe it,I'll give you all the time you need to think.But nothing should change.We'd still be the best of friends,no matter what."He continued.
But i doubted what he said.I know that nothing between us could be normal again.I never really believed him at that time.I thought that maybe he just wanted to forget leah,and he wanted to use me.I was hurt of course.I thiught that if I would say yes,our friendship would be jeopardize.I know I'd start to feel uneasy.But something at the back of my heart was being a traitor.
We still had our usual talks.And it is one of those talks where he asked me if I wanted to know the reason why he courted me.Though that topic made me feel awkward.out of curiousity,I asked him why."When I courted you,I thought It was because I love you.I was wrong."he said.It was when I felt that pain.The kind of pain that made me seemed deaf.My heart almost stopped beating.My mind went blank.I couldn't understand why I wanted to scream in pain.So before he could even finish everything that he wanted to say,I tried to smile casually."Nah,it's alright.It's good to know that.You've finally opened yor eyes.I'm glad.Now we can go back to our normal lives."I said.
After that i had realized something that was very wrong.I fell in love with him.When or how,I had not a single idea.That feeling was very wrong but it was the only right thing I've ever felt.What did I do?Nothing.I kept everything hidden inside my heart.
Months after,my closest friend said that I should tell him everything'rather than keep it inside.But the fear was there.It always had been there.The fear of rejection.The fear of changes between the two of us.I think that i had fell in love with him even before he courted me.I was just too scared to admit it.Not to mention the fact that i was insecure because most of the girls that he liked were mostly not like me.But my friend insisted that I should take the risk and face the consequences no matter how painful it might be.Then,after much thought,I decided to follow her advices.
I decided to call him and asked him if he could come over.He said that he would come.Since their place is two hours away from us,I spent my time practicing how to act normal and what to say.Then two hours had passed but he had not arrive yet.Still, I waited.Three,four,five,six hours had passed.But there was no sign of him.Then the phone rang.It was his sister.when she started to speak,I knew she was crying.I sensed that something is wrong because my heartbeat raced up.
"He just had an accident."she said before she hung up.I was stunned.I couldn't move a single muscle in my body.Then the tears began to fall from my eyes.I cried.I just sat there and cried hard.
Due to my classes, I wasn't able to visit him for one week.His family never informed me anything.And I understand that it was because they were busy taking care of him and everything else.I thought that maybe he was fine because his siter said he was hospitalized.She mever said if the accident was fatal or serious.So I thought that maybe evrything was fine.On the 6th of august 2005,saturday,I went to their house toask his parents where he was confined.I saw cars parked in front of their house.Upon entering,I saw his mother talking to some people.Then,when she saw me,she smiled but remorse was evident in her eyes.Although i've already sensed that something is really wrong,I still refused to entertain that idea.
"Tita,can i see him?wWhich hospital is he confine?"I asked his mother.But she just looked at me.Then,she led me to a room.What I saw made my heart ache so much,I swear I could die from the intensity of the pain.
"I'm sorry.You're 2 days late."she said trying to sound strong but her was cracking.Before leaving me there she handed me a letter.
With trembling hands,I opened it.The handwring looks painfully familiar although it was obvious that the writer had a difficulty writing it.I read the letter crying.
I want you to be here beside me before I finally say goodbye.Although the doctors said that I'm fine now but i know better.I'm writing you this letter to clear things up.Though I'm having difficulty to write this clearly but I know that i need to finish this.
I want to say I love you.This is true.When leah broke up with me,I was hurt.Not because of our break-up but because of the truth that she said.She had figured out first about my feelings for you.She said that there was no use for us to be together since I was in love with you.I wouldn't believe it at first.She said that i hid my feelings for you behind our friendship,that I kept denying that fact because I was too afraid to admit it.I realized thatshe was right.
when I admitted the fact,I began to see who you really are to me.It's as if I saw you for the first time in my life.Then, I felt what home is like with you.And i want that home to be build with love but you rejected me and I was hurt.The day that I told that I thought I love you when I courted you,I wanted to say that it was because it was not just love that i felt.It was something so strong that I can't explain what it is.Please believe that I love you.Believe only that.
I guess it's now time for me to say goodbye.Don't worry I'll watch over you.Please take care.I guess I'd have to go first.But no matter what happens,remember that I could never call my life complete if I never met you.I'll be missing you.Surely you'll miss me too.
I cried hard after reading his letter.No words could ever describe the kind of agony that I felt that time.I wanted to shout but I couldn't seem to find my voice.I looked at him again and found myself trying to understand the cruelty of fate.I whispered to him the words he had wanted to hear from me.But I know I was too late.And the reality crushed my heart into a thousand pieces.But I tried to accept it.I continued living for the sake of my love for him and for the memories that he had left behind.
You know,love gave me doubts,but it is the only certain thing that i know is real.It made me feel pain But it's the only cure I know to every agony of one's heart.Love gave me a reason to live,to continue,and to smile though it hurts inside.Because without love,I know,life is just a book without contents...