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      Wounds that can't be seen...

     


Last 4 years, I was really heartbroken with my first boyfriend. I would say that it was really painful because we grew from childhood friends to young sweethearts, and we were always inseparable. Throughout the years, from grade school until we have finished our high school, we've been classmates. We broke up because, he said that he wasn't sure anymore about his feelings for me & that he still has a lot of things to do with his life. I was really devastated & mad at him. I couldn't talk to him in school or even look at him. After that relationship I promised to myself that I will never fall for another wrong guy again. In fact, i told myself to stay single for the meantime and just enjoy my life.

 

But in the middle of the 2005, there came a new guy. At first, I just had a crush on this guy but it was nothing serious and then my friend introduced me to him, who happened to be his friend too. After awhile, we became good friends, and then really good friends. He shared his problems in his relationship with his girlfriend. On the day of our school's JS Prom, he asked me to dance and there was something in me that i felt when we were dancing. I know he felt the same way too because I could see it in his eyes.

 

After then, we started dating and hung out often. I would say that he was really a sweet guy. Everything in him was just what i have been looking for in a guy. And i couldn't believe myself that after having my heart so broken before, there i was, falling again for a guy who i barely knew. They said that in order to move on & have a new life, we have to forget the past. Or was it the other way around? In order to forget the past, we have to move on. I did not know. I wasn't sure back then if i was really into this new guy or i was just trying to get over my first boyfriend.

 

After the long run, I finally decided to move on and chose this new guy. He & his girlfriend broke up long before we started dating and i was willing to take the fall again. He was my new hope. He was sweet, caring, loving, understanding, funny and really gets along with my family-just the type of guy I’ve been looking for. He just gets me. He was the one who’ll be there when I was down and he usually sensed it when there was something wrong. We talked about the future and decided to still being together even though I had to leave soon for further studies.

 

We were really happy and doing well for over a year but it gotten a bit bumpy after that.. and then bumpier! Everything became complicated suddenly. He became too pre-occupied with other things, and he didn’t share things that much with me anymore like he used to.  He said that I was becoming too busybody and gives him a lot of pressure. Well, how can you be so fine, when the person you love is hiding something to you? AND whose girlfriend wouldn't be insecure when her boyfriend denies that he hung out with other girls, even though those girls were just his friends? That was when I started feeling a bit insecure. And he became too pressured with the fact that I had to leave to continue my studies soon. After that, everything became vague between us & we often argued even about small things.

 

A month before I had to leave, I told him that it was not working anymore and that we should end our relationship. I thought I was doing the right thing. He agreed with my decision and we decided to be just friends. But after just a day, I realized it was a mistake! I texted him, and he called me up. I was crying.. Hearing his voice again made me realized how much I missed him. I told him that I was sorry and that I wanted him back, I wanted us back. But he said that we were better off apart.. not because he didn’t have anymore feelings, but because I was leaving soon anyway. My heart was really shattered in pieces hearing his words. I couldn’t believe him that he would just give up on us just because I was leaving. I fought for him, even though my families were telling me that although he was a decent guy, we were still different. Different language, religion, culture and upbringing. They even told me that I may be happy now, but after the long run, after realizing what really is a reality, that was when I would see that we are really different in many ways. It was really hard for me, but I still stayed strong for him, for us, because that was what he used to tell me when I was weak, just stay strong and everything’s going to be fine. I was reaching out for him those hard times, but he wasn’t there, no one was there for me. No one knew about my pain. It really hurts when the only person that you expect to hold on to will still drop you, leaving you hanging, alone and lost.

 

After that talk on the phone, we never again communicate. No news from each other. And there I was still stranded in the past, still trying to absorb every single thing that had happened to me. They said that first cut is the deepest, but for me, it’s the cut that after we learned to pick up the broken pieces of our heart and believed in love again, the person that we believed in, couldn’t stay and here we are again, even worst, shattered and confused. Shattered, for many times our heart has been broken. Confused, because we’re left there, just there, still wondering what went wrong.

 

Its 2008 now and I am still waiting for my Mr. Right. I know he’s there somewhere, just waiting for the right time. I am very happy with my life even though I am single. I have my families and friends. And I never regret every single thing that happened to me because I will not be this better Me. I hope to all the people who were in love so deeply and got hurt like me will still have hope in believing in love. True Love cannot be found if we are impatient. We don’t have to look for it, for it will come to us at the right time, with the right person. In fact, we don’t have to be loved in order to love, but we love in order to love. Life is a long road, sometimes we have to stop, sometimes we have to look back and turn, often times we meet new people, though by destiny or coincidence, but most of the time, we just have to keep on moving, until we reach our real destination. Good luck dear readers (:

 

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