My bleeding heart still hopes..
I usually don't have crushes at school. Maybe it's because i'm fond of bands, idolize them, and sometimes having crush on them.. But then, there's this one guy that was partnered to me. I can term it as "love team", whatsoever. Our whole batch knew about it. They always teases us, like were compatible etc. Even our professors join our classmates in making fun of us.
Honestly, i do not have any feelings for him, affection or even just a like for him. But, as time passes by, the feelings grew.. and it get deeper and deeper.. Actually, he has the face.. He is nice. Added to that, he has a band.. He know to play drums.. I hadn't recognize all of that until i've been teased to him.
I always catch him looking at me. There are moments when my classmates would say "Hey, look at him.. He is staring at you!"
We communicate on cellphone, we text. I'm surprised when he asked me if i had a crush on him. I told my friend about this, and she told me that she was asked before about that.. If i had a crush on him..
He has a group of friends, they too are teasing me for him.
One day, i got a news from my friends. They first asked me to keep the secret that they'll be sharing to me. Extreme happiness was painted on their faces, and i just cant help but become curious. After we had lunch, they open up the story. They said that the secret was a story shared by my crush's group of friends. My friends told me that my crush had a crush on me! His group of friends said that, they once had a "truth or consequence game" and they asked my crush who is his crush.. Then he answered, my name..
But, i honestly can't feel it.. Is the stares and glance a proof? But there's no formal.. He doesn't even talk to me while in class.. I'm confused..
Then there came our fieldtrip to Subic, we were seatmates at bus.. I can't feel anything, that he has feelings for me also.. I don't know why. Maybe it's just because he is transferring next semester to another school, and i will not be seeing him everyday unlike before that we were classmates. I feel like i'll be left alone, i can't stop him from transferring.. who am i to do that?
Time passed so quickly that i just received a news that he had a GIRLFRIEND! Not just a girlfriend. She is one of my friends. I felt betrayed. I mean it, we had no commitment. But i guess, she might have been told me about them.. So that the hurt will be less.
Add to that, their relationship is just a contract. It has an end, it says that after this duration, it will be over between them. They just become gf/bf. Without Courting.
Gap between us became bigger, he, she and me.. I accepted her apology, but it's already late. He, we still text. But it's like we are only friends.. It's just sad to hear when my classmates insists that we had relationship before. Because, it never happened.
I just can't understand all of those moments before.. Did it all happen just because he is just being good to me? The stares and glances? How will i explain that? Is he just riding with the tease and jokes and fun? Why did he had to have a gf he doesn't actually know? There was no moment that i had saw them together, they don't totally talk. Then one day, they are on? That was pretty surprising. All about him is not clear to me.. What does he want? What will i do?