Walking away continuation
..me- "hey!..am good, bout u?
he drank up his glass and stared at me for a minute and said
"im doing well too. U really luk different now huh?. So, i heard u have ur own business, good for u.
me- "yeah. Uhmm, how bout u?
"well, i too, have my own, at least without my fathers help."
He looked around and his phone alarmed. He looked at his wrist watch and then turned to me and told me he had to go for he was going to fetch someone. The next days of my stay there, i always looked forward to see him. But he really changed. He avoided me, which made me cry every time he makes up reasons just to get rid of me. I understood him, cause i know how much i hurted him. God knows how much i regret that day when i walked away for the second time. Now, i know how he felt way back when he was the one chasing me.
I went to this party where my college friends invited me. I saw Sander standing behind this big fake tree. I went near him and approached him.
Hey Sander, good to see you here, who u with?
Sander- hey! U too. Im with Charrie.
I thought for a moment, and said "ohhkay".. When a lovely women came and kissed Sander and even hugged him like there was no one around. My heart bursted with jealousy, anger, and pain with the fact that i didn't have the right to feel that way. After all im the one who pushed him away. He introduced Charrie as her girlfriend. I went out and got fresh air when i suddenly felt a tear on my cheeks and i lost hope. My friend, Ingrid, came and comforted me. Based on what she noticed i knew that she sensed what i was feeling. We went to this coffee shop near by and she started telling me words.
Ingrid-" i'll tell u something. Sander really faught for you and he really did love u thats why we can't blame him for acting that way towards u. U left him behind when everything was okay. He was willing to give up everything just for you but u just walked away. U know when u left town years back. It was the first time i saw him like a beggar with no place to go. Every night for 5 long months, he drowned himself to alcohol and he got so like the "bad boy" image. He became so rugged and he even tried killing himself. We watched him like that and we couldn't even stop him from those shit doings, until Charrie came. She changed him and out of the blue, we saw him smiling again and he was back to what he was before, even better. MAybe he's just bitter and shocked that for years, u came back and he wasn't prepared for it. "
Those words like nailed my heart and everything in me. I went home walking with my hair untidy and my clothes soaked in water and my eyes crying. I can't imagine he did all those just because of stupid me!. I got mad at myself for that and i felt like i deserved what i felt.
One night, i got myself drunk and he came like a hero and saved me from those guys who were hitting on me. He carried me out and went to his apartment where he cleaned me up and made me coffee and made me soup but he didn't say a word. finally when i felt sober and was okay I said my thank you stuff and got my coat and went out. I was on the road when he followed me and said..
"U know, when u walked out on my life 2 times, i felt like dying, actually i was dying thinking about that. U left with no good-byes and U just walked away like nothing ever happened. U hurted me so much but i want u to know that i already forgive u for that. I guess that's what love can do. I have Charrie to thank for saving my life into giving up, maybe someday, i'll learn to love her the way i love u. Yes, i do still love u but i won't pursue that cause i know where its gonna end anyway. We're better off this way. Maybe there's someone out there who's meant for us. Don't waste your life just because of me or any burdens, i don't want to see u like this, cause im seeing myself. Go on and live your life, who knows one day we might meet again. But now, I don't know how to fight for you anymore. Im sorry but I don't wanna go through what i've been through before when i followed my heart and i faught for you."
I said nothing and he stopped. I was crying and walked faster when i heard him yell at me.
"THATS WHERE YOU'RE GOOD AT!..U KEEP WALKING AWAY. GO AHEAD, I WON'T STOP U THIS TIME.."
im leaving 9 days from now to be exact. He told me he still loved me. Should i fight for that? SHould i stay? or will i walk away again like i did before? But what if i come back and he's gone forever?what should i do ????