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      He Isn't Mine

     


My best friend is the greatest girl in the world.  She and I are very close & work for the same company, just in different cities.  About 4 years ago, she was involved in an affair with a married man.  She too is married.  She was with the guy 3 or 4 times and enjoyed the sex very much.  After she left the company, she still kept in touch with him by phone sometimes, just to laugh and cut up.  After approximately 6 months, she told me that he was very interested in me, and I should try to spend some time with him.  She stated that he was incredible in bed, and was fun to hang out with.  I thought about it for several months, and eventually gave in and began sleeping with him.  She was no longer seeing him and had moved onto another affair.  He and I spent HOURS and HOURS on the phone talking and laughing.  We had lots in common and spent as much time together as we could.  It's now almost 3 years later.  We are now working in the same city and live only 5 minutes apart.  He spends lots of time on the road with his job, which allows him to spend time with me.  He spends the night with me at my house and we also travel together when my job allows.  I have never in my life had this kind of love.  I wish that he wasn't who he is.  I wish that I could stop loving him.  I worry about being caught.  I'm not stupid, and I know that if he is cheating on his wife of 20+ yrs, he would cheat on me.   During the years that we have been together, we have brought my best friend into our bedroom occasionally.  It is fun for me, and a definite turn on for him.  He always tells me it's not something he expects or has to have, and tells me its up to me when or if it happens again.   I love him and do like it sometimes, so it's not an issue for us.  We have wonderful talks still, and are there for one another every day.  He helps me with things around my home, takes care of my car, and even has taken part in some of my families gatherings.  I think that we probably should have remained just friends, and let the sex never come into it.  Unfortunately, it did.  I still want us to be friends, but I'm trying to find a way to end it.  The worst part is finding a way to stop loving him.   He has opened me up sexually to things that I would have never thought about before.  I have never had sex that fulfilled me and satisfied me the way my sexual relationship with him does.  The sex, though it is incredible, I can get over.  Learning not to love this man who I think about day and night is a whole different story.  How do I do it?  There has to be someone who has been in my shoes and can tell me how to do this.  At this point, I'm open to suggestions. 

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