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      Sinful love


i know its not one of a kind story anymore but i used to think it is..being trapped to someone who doesn't love you and would never have any chance neither..


my story began since I decided to work abroad in year 2006. It was painful for me to leave my boyfriend but I need to, I need to choose my family over him, though we have plan to get married that time. We were planning then, but upon learning that I was hired outside the country with better opportunity and salary, I dumped his marriage proposal. I know it is very hard to accept but we need to go separate ways because I believe it won't work, long distance affair is difficult for a couple who used to spend their days without seeing and calling each other for more than two years.


It was our decision to call it "offs" and I have no regrets for giving him up. After all, I believe if we are really meant for each other so be it. After three months, I learned from our common friend that he got married because the woman was pregnant. We still had communications then, but the moment I knew the matter, I changed my number and it would be better to stop it before it's too late. He was still persistent, he kept on sending e-mails and he told me that he doesn't love the woman but I ignored his explanations. For me, it was over. Maybe because, I didn't love him that much.


I don't know what happen, but ever since I met this woman, everything changed, even myself. I used to crack jokes on her, made her laugh. We were living on the same room, we were working together, before it was just a plain friendship until I realized it isn't. What I showed on her was different from all of my long time friends and even my best friend. I was jealous everytime someone was courting her. But then, I keep telling myself that I am not lesbian, I am not. I was still on the stage of denial, coz everyone smells something is going on between us.


For her, it was only friendship, I know. But for me, it is not. When I learned that she will come back to our country, my heart broke apart. I was scared to lose her and I was not  prepared for that. She confronted me why suddenly I changed, from being wacky and happy go lucky to silent and hot tempered. I couldn't deny it anymore, I told everything on her, she can't believe but she told me that she had already idea.


Now, she has her own life, she has a boyfriend and I wish everything would be fine for them. I know the reason why I did not get married coz my heart doesn't belong to a man. It is still hard for me to cope up but I am trying to pick up those things that I have lost and one of them was SMILE :)


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