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      How do i tell her?..


Its my very first time to sight this website. I'm not the type who really surfs this kind, but as of this moment in my life, I badly need advices from you guys. Here's my story.

When i was in high school i never really took girls seriously, i just get them when i want to. They're just around i would say to myself. A lot of girls hated me for being such a playboy. I met Sherinna when i was still young. We we're like cats and dogs way back our childhood days. But i treated her very special and that she was my best girl. When we grew up and went to the same school, my friends wanted to court her, a lot actually but i didn't want her to be with someone else but me, i don't know but thats just how i feel. She on the other hand never had a boyfriend. Her reason was she was afraid of love. People asks me why i don't court her. There's just one reason and that is because i'm a fraid i might hurt her and lose her forever. I treasure our friendship so much that i don't wanna lose her. She had everything a man would love. And i didn't know that what im feeling is love.

It took me so long to realize it. And when i came to my senses i gathered every single strand of my courage to tell her how i felt. But it wasn't easy, cause i had this "playboy image". And i knew that its what she thinks of me. So i had to prove her that i loved her from the very start. i started courting her and believ me, it took her a month to see that i've changed. It was our graduation day when she said yes. It was the happiest day for me. I really knelt down and thanked God. And so we got scholarship from same College, and that was'nt a problem for the both of us. Yes, we had fights, that thing can't be erased when you enter a relationship right?. But despite every stuggle we came through, we went strong. I can't even imagine how we got this far. Sometimes. I even slap myself to convince myself that "it's really happening".

Now, we have our own jobs. After we graduated in college, we vowed never to let our career be a wall in our relationship. We managed to do so and that I was even planning to propose on our 6th anniversary.

I got all things done for my proposal, I prepared it a month before our anniversary. Thats how excited I am in marrying her. But my plans aren't happening the way I want. There was this time i collapsed in my office, although it always happened, this time was different cause my heads like bursting and its gonna explode. It happened often before but i never got myself to see a doctor, I always thought its migrane. I woke up to see the lights of the hospital, and my best buddy braught me there. Sherinna came 3o minuted after i awoke but between that time was my life's crashing point. 3o minutes ago of that day i was diagnosed of brain cancer and that i have few months to live. I didn't believe what the doctor said and so when Sherinna came, i told her i was over fatigued thats why i collpased, i used it as an alibi.

I went to 5 doctors to be exact, for check-up and they told me same illness. My life hasn't been the same since i knew it was true. Even Sherinna was wondering but i never told her. She was always there and that she never left. I did everything to keep my physical appearance away from being busted. I succeeded with that. The only person who knows is my best friend. There was this time i asked her

--" what if i go away for good? What would you do?

she looked at me so teary eyed

--"are you breaking up with me?

Her tears fell and i just smirked and wiped her tears

--"I can't do that sweetie, you know i can't. Im just asking out of curiosity, just give me a clue..

--well, if you're going away then i could die. If you're going then take me with you, besides its not worth living when you're not with me. If you leave me, i don't know, the nearest i see is that i could die.."

Now, it Christmas and it's 2 days before our anniversary. Im having doubts of proposing with the fact that i only have few months from now. I don't wanna hurt her, but no matter how i say it, i know its gonna hurt her. She's probably on her way here, we're celebrating Christmas together. I know soonere or later she'll find out about everything. And make up couldn't cover up the signs in me. I don't wanna leave her but i just can't stay for long.

Should i still propose marriage?. i can't be a husband i know..

But how should i tell her?


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