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      Love Or Lust ?????

     


i am in love with my cousin........i know nobody will accept this relationship in a country like India. thats why we got separated.

since childhood i just love his company........i just love talking to him.....we used to go their home once in a year..........we shared a great bond.

when he was in 10th he lost his father......i feel so bad for him.....i want him to be happy.....we were very good friends.we used to share everything about our life.Till now we were just good and you can say best friends.

 

After 12th he went to Somewhere for his coaching for engineering and after completing his coaching he came to Delhi for his entrance test. he came to our home 1 month before his test.

 

He used to study 15 hrs in a day.....We used to talk so much when he was not studying..sometimes my parents get aggressive for it and they may be right in their situation.they  don't like our bonding.In night i used to make tea/coffee for him. We always had breakfast ,lunch n dinner together. now it becomes our routine. One day when i was sleeping he caress me in my neck.....that day i get annoyed ans thinking how can he do it to me.  i m so close to him.he is my cousin,he cant do this.it wrong and after that day i stopped talking to him.even i was not talking to any one in my home.......he was also guilty for that misbehave he did with me. everyone at home was asking me that what happen to me.why i m not talking to anyone...m i fine.any problem.lots of question.....

 

one day i was alone at home .he was gone to library...i got a note in my diary.......................and it was like this:-  i m sorry for my mistake.....I don't wanna lose a person like you......please forgive me.

After reading that note my eyes get filled with tears but still i didn't start talking to him................after 1 week his result came and he did not get selected..............................i was very sad to him.and that day i cant stop myself to talk to him. because he was really very upset......he was wating for his next result ,...................................during that time he stays at my home.

my exams were also near........................we used to study together................in fact more we chat together instead of study......now we were so close to him.....used to whisper all night long...................one day he asked me ....can i kiss u............n i agreed and that was our first kiss....i feel good at that time but next morning i feel guilty of it because he was my cousin.but he explicate me that its not wrong as we love each other.

 

then after that i become so close to him,.physically and verbally too...........those days i have spent with him.....were like we were husband-wife.

i think my parents get a doubt that something is happening wrong but they didnt tel directly but i got that from their expressions.

 

so many ups and downs came o our life. After that he has to go his home back as he got selected in one of the engineering college......now he is in hostel.......i know he loved me so much but after going there he changed a lot......well i asked to myself it was love or just attachment.

 

He always had a dream to sex with me...but i cant make it because i always believe to be virgin till marriage so i always say sorry to him for that but i used to tell him that u do it with someone else if you really wish.

but i trust him so much that he'll not do with someone else.

 

but one day he confessed to me that he had sex with a gal whom i know very well...i didn't believe him for next 1 week as i thought he is kidding...i know that gal...i called her....i asked to her about it...and she said it actually happened......that day i lost everything.....i cried a lot...cant stopped my tears.... and i decided stop talking to him.....but i cant make it .

i know all his mistakes......whenn he was at my home..he was veer caring...cant see tears in my eyes.....but now when ever i called  him..he hurts me a lot....now he tell me to forget everythinh as we dont have any future but i m not able to do so as i loved him so much.

now he has a girlfriend and he tell me that he loves her so much.

i don't know what to do. whole day i just think about him...whenever i remember those days when wee were together ....my eyes filled with tears .....i miss him each moment but he don't care for me anymore.

i asked him to be good friends but he always hurt me ...dont know what to do.

 

Don't know why he has started hating me so much....whats my mistake.....where i went wrong.

 

I love him so much......Dont know what to do.

 

 


 

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