Twice And It Still Didn't Work Out...
I got to know my ex from one of my friends. Well actually,he got to know me first. Anyway,this ex of mine,J,called me while i was out with my group of friends. I didn't notice my phone vibrating(it was on silent). When i checked it,i noticed that i had a missed call but i had no idea who the number belonged to.
I asked my friends and they told me that the number belonged to J. So i called him back. He didn't pick up. Then i messaged him asking why he called me. He said that he just wanted to add me as a friend. It was a reasonable enough answer so i just let it be.
At that point of time,i was having a crush on one of his friends. So i kinda used J to get some information on his friend. After talking to J for a couple of days,i found myself falling for him. But a few days later,i found that he already had a girlfriend. I was kind of disappointed but i just put that feeling aside.
Then about a week after i found out that he had a girlfriend already,he asked about me and his friend that i had a crush on. I told him that there was nothing between us and that we were just friends. Next thing i know,he asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend.
I can't deny that i wasn't excited and nervous at the same time. But my feelings for him had grown stronger over the days. So i just said yes. I knew my friends were not going to approve of him so i decided to keep the relationship quiet.
So over the days,J and me would text each other everyday. But he kept asking me for one of my friend's phone numbers. I suspected something but i didn't want to bring it up. I was quite happy with the way our relationship was.
Time after time,J would ask me about my friend. What she likes and that sort of stuff. Then one day,he confessed to me that he "has a heart" for my friend. I could not believe it! All that time,he was using me to get my friend! One day,i asked him who he loved more;me or my friend. He didn't reply to that message.
Anyway,after a few days,he started asking me for my friend's picture. I told him i would do my best but i did not promise anything. As the days went by,he was getting angrier and angrier that he didn't have her picture.
Then one day during school hours,he messaged me saying that he wanted to break up with me. I was too pissed to reply to that. Then a few minutes later,J and his friends walked past my class and said something to me. Since i wasn't sitting by the door and the class was very noisy,i could not hear what they said. But i was pretty sure that they were saying vulgarities at me. Their actions showed it all.
I was used to the insults and vulgarities so i didn't bother telling a teacher. Anyway,whenever he passes by my class,he would always look inside the class and i would always give him a deadly stare. Exactly one week after he broke up with me,he started calling out my name whenever he walks past.
So anyway,a month after we broke up,he asked me to be his girlfriend again. At that time,i still had feelings for him so i said yes again. It was my own fault for accepting the second time but he told me that he really loved me.
Then one day when i asked him what he was doing,he suddenly told me to stop messaging him and that he wanted me to have freedom just like him. I asked him what he was talking about but he just said that a friend of mine told him something bad about me. I asked him who that 'friend' was. Then he snapped back and accused me of not loving him as i get jealous whenever he asks about my friend.
I was so pissed at that time that i told him that i wanted to break up with him. Idiotically,he didn't reply to that message. But now,i totally regret breaking up with him. I was just too angry that i did something irrational. It's been more than two months since we broke up again and yet i still haven't gotten over him. Maybe its because i still haven't forgiven myself for breaking up with him.
I guess i just have to forgive myself for breaking up with him before i can get over him.