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      I bet you'll never remember half the things I'll never forget.


Just like any seventeen year old girl, I wanted a boyfriend, someone you're supposed to trust and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, write silly love notes to you, and generally care about how your day went.

And, just like any other girl, I thought he was the one, I still think he may be the one. He's several years older than I am, and is the typical blond muscular guy, definitely not my type. But I decided to be friends with him because he seemed like a generally nice guy. Plus he was dating my best friend of the time. I also was seeing a guy when we became friends, and I certainly never thought I'd end up liking him, especially considering the circumstances. So a month went by and I broke up with the boyfriend, went on a relationship strike, and I discovered another friend of mine "loved" me. Turns out, it was my body he loved not my personality, typical relationship for me, and I broke up with him, by this time the blond had dated and broken up with two of my friends. I still was oblivious to his personal feelings about me, other than we were pretty close friends. After braking up with the previous boyfriend, I really felt like I needed to be single for a while, but a few weeks later I get this message basically confessing his feelings for me.

I was completely shocked, he was the last person I'd ever consider dating at that point, but he kept expressing his feelings and wouldn't give up until I gave him a yes or no answer. I felt like I couldn't be with him even when part of me wanted to because he'd dated my best friend of the time and another one of my friends. In the end both girls encouraged me to go for it along with my closest friend, and so I told him I'd try it, after a month I was completely head over heels for him. I couldn't have left him if people held me at gun point. We had our first fight, and things started to change, what was once an everyday thing become fewer and fewer, then about two weeks ago we had a major fight, we broke up for a whole ten hours, and I had a major meltdown, complete with panic attack and all. I loved him and I still love him, the thought of losing him makes me physically sick to my stomach. Then yesterday I notice I no longer had all my top friends on Myspace, and he's the one missing.

I knew for a fact I had done nothing wrong. I messaged him asking if he was upset or angry with me, then today I find out he's been hacked, and he's decided to no longer use Myspace, due to him being in college and I'm still in high school, he lives fairly far away, and the phone and Myspace was supposed to last us until we could visit each other. Apparently I am no longer the love of life, and he doesn't want to speak to me. But as far as I know I've done nothing to him.

Yet, I find myself still completely in love with him. I feel as if I can't lose him. and I hate myself for not being able to move on, as I have a feeling will happen.

So much for "love of my life"


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