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      When do you say goodbye?

     



I met a woman 10 months ago who is beautiful, Intelligent, charming and a mother of a 5 and 7 year old. At the time we met she was separated from her husband, in process of a divorce and living in her own house. We started dating and love happened. The four of us spent almost every day together. I picked the kids up from school, we rode bikes on weekends etc... seven weeks ago she moved back with her husband.


She told me it was because of financial reasons. I could agree because I had been paying many of her monthly bills. She told me that she wanted to claim the house they own in the divorce settlement and she needed to be in the house. Of course she told me how much she loved me. Two weeks after she had moved back she told me they had slept together and that she knew he wasn't for her and that she was confident in the divorce and that she was sleeping in her own bedroom. We have continued to see each other almost daily but for maybe 60 minutes. She and her two children traveled to be with her family over Thanksgiving. I purchased the tickets. She called every day and left a message of how much she loved me and how she wished I had traveled with them to be with her family. She never asked me what my plans were for Thanksgiving. I didn't talk with her during this time accept the day she was arriving so I could coordinate picking them up from the airport. She was so happy to see me.


After being home two days I received an e-mail from her telling me that I am asking to much from her. She had talked to a therapist and was told to be firm with the husband on the divorce, she was not to see me and the children should not see me because it is to confusing for them. She told me she did want to see me and that she loves me. She asked that I regain the distance and or confidence I had while she was away for Thanksgiving. She told me to be happy for the time we were together. I need to stop counting time. Don't try to plan things that can't happen such as she and the two children coming to my house to decorate the Christmas Tree. She tells me that she loves me but she can make no promises for the future. Today is Sunday. I do not make contact with her from Friday night until Monday morning and I hate it knowing she is in the house with him.


She tells me she has got to end her past. It has been a very bad marriage for years but in her mind she needed to stay in it for her children's sake. She now says she realizes this is wrong.


Is this a game she is playing. We went from a full fledged relationship to now just a quick conversation on the phone or having lunch together. I have needs that are not being met by the person I love. She fails to see my needs. If I ask her to give me some dates on the divorce, she tells me to not pressure her about it. I made a car payment for her Friday...Husband hasn't worked since she moved back into the house.


Am I not being strong enough? should I sit back and wait so she can end the past business. She says I am too impatient for results and answers that she does not have. I miss her, I feel great rejection. Each time I distance myself she comes running. Should I not allow her back into my life so easily? Should I be firm and tell her that I love her, wish to be with her but go fix her past and I will be here or should I just tell her I'm miserable with this situation and I must move on. When do you day goodbye or should I back off and wait? She tells me I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her and that she wants me in her life...Help??


Jerry

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