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      A long time for long distance


From the moment I entered college I was on the prowl!  At the beginning of every year there is an entry in my journal saying "I'm ready Lord, this year I'm ready for a boyfriend.  I get it now."  Every year I was more mature, and more ready than I thought I'd been the year before.  I wanted a BOYFRIEND !


Finally in my 5th year of college, I began the year as always, in my journal.  This entry started off the same, but as I began to write about my life and about all that I had to accomplish that year, including to graduate and financially support myself I found myself writing..."Lord, I don't have time for a boyfriend !  Please don't let me find one this year I have way too much to do and not nearly enough time to dedicate to such an important relationship."  I was a little bit frantic because the reality of what it would be like to have a boyfriend was so real .  I was practically begging God to keep the boys away!


Not a week later was I writing about how cute Eric's brother Kirk was.  The differences between us were SO obvious that it was very clear to me ( and apparently everyone else) that this was going nowhere.  But he was cute nonetheless, and a genius, athletic, all around dreamy...and my roommates were excited about him coming over a couple times a week =)  (The things college roommates enable you to do!)


We casually hung out for a couple of months, nothing big, always at my house because I didn't have a car, cooking or ice cream at cold stone.  It was fun.  He finally tried to kiss me , I wanted too so bad but, from experience, everything had always gone downhill for me after things got remotely physical.  I was scared things would change between us and denied him for about two weeks.


He was very persistent and he finally somehow got in there!  Our first kiss was the epitome of every cheesy description you've every heard .  It was beautiful, magical, and I may have even saw stars =)


We continued to hang out and learn more about each other as the months  went by.  Shortly after our  first kiss late one night  I was laying in bed after Kirk and I had exchanged a few texts , and I closed my eyes and  I heard loud and clear " He's the one" at that time I knew I had a major crush but didn't think it'd ever be more than that.  My eyes SHOT open  and I said "are you sure?!?!" I mean he wasn't even my boyfriend, then I heard it again "Yes, He's the one."


The events that followed  in the year after didn't do much to support what I'd heard that night.  I was scared to have a relationship with him, for so many reasons. I don't think he was ready either, and things were always stressed between us.  Then things became even harder in April, a month before graduation, my house burned down.  Everything I owned was gone and I had no where to go.  This boy offered me everything and anything .  He really stood by me.


But things didn't get better that summer.  After graduating , having to move back home, no real job, and my relationship woes with Kirk   I slid into an unwanted depression.  During those couple of months broke up like a real couple (plenty of times) and said I love you like a real couple , although we were not a "real" couple the feelings we had were definitely real.


I couldn't handle the ups and downs anymore so  I decided to make a big change.  I moved clear across the country with $1400 to my name.  I knew that with me gone we would either grow stronger or fall into a million pieces.  At that point I was willing to take the risk.


Best decision I've ever made.  Toughest life I've ever lived.


Once again Kirk supported me the whole way through. 


After 5 months of being away we somehow managed to play the same games that we played when I was living at home, but we'd reached a turning point . 


Without me knowing, he'd overnighted his heart his heart in a letter .  It was amazing, everything you've ever wanted a guy to say to you and really mean.  He really loved me and missed me as much, if not more than I missed him.


Unfortunately I didn't receive this letter until after the gut wrenching talk that we had the night before.   After what was said I was  sure God was going to have to use his best angel to get us back on track.   


He did.


I called him the next day, after I read his letter.  We were still a little broken from the night before and it was hard for me to get the conversation started.  I knew  that if I didn't work things out with him now that I may never get another chance.  I'd never seen him so broken.


We decided to make it official that day.  Three thousand miles away over the phone. 


It's been about 2 1/2 years since we began and nearly a year since that conversation and we are still together, still at a distance and growing together more and more each day.


Nobody really understands our relationship, but nobody ever has .  I guess you do really find what you need when you aren't looking. 




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