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      Pretending to not love him kills me! HELP!

     


I have been in love with this guy for ages now, well we were best friends and we always told eachother everything,we even confessed our love for eachother, and we both went out..! i was so happy..!!no words could express how happy i was..!!i gave my heart to him fully only for it to be shattered..! he played on m quite a few times..!! well he always went out to parties, got drunk and hooked up with different girls..!i loved him so much i always forgave him and took him back..! i know its wrong, but i couldnt help it..!! it wasnt until i had found out that him and one of my good mates were secretly writiting letters to eachother..!!when i asked him about it he just simply said it was letters of apology only to find its all bullocks..!! broken hearted i ended everything and i denied at all ever loving him nor still have feelings for him..!! now its almost been a year since weve broken up and i still love him..!!but loving him so much breaks my heart because of all the pain hes caused..! i find it hard to ever love again because i gave my heart away long ago only to not get anything in return..!!i sit here now crying behind my smiles and going through each day with a fake smile and laugh..!!i just wish i can move on but its so hard to when i see him everyday at school..!!i thought i was so lucky to find my true love in my best friend, because its said that the best boyfriend or girlfreind you can  have is in your best friend..!!i myself dont believe this statement anymore, only because yes i thought i found my love in my best friend, but now that i've lost my love i have also lost my best friend..!!now i find it hard to trust anyone the way i trusted him..!!my heart aches for him, but at the same time, terrified of him breaking whats left of my broken heart..!!he tried to put things right between us..!!but turned him down, was i wrong??? please tell me what yous think..!!!!!

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