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      I`ve got no soul to sell

     



Numb I sit and count the seconds on the clock. A month we dated, only a month...then split for a week, only to get back together again for a blessed two days.


All my friends saw how you treated me. I was your goddess for one night and then you strayed from me. Gave her the child I cannot bear, the child I desperately want. The child she threw away. I did not know this yet. For two weeks I was blind to your infidelities. Then it got bad...you ignored me, accused me of cheating. The night before we broke up you cheated on me again. We then hurled hurtful words back and forth for almost a week before we both realized we missed one another. Or so I thought.


You had told me that the truth of our relationship would inevitably either drive me away or make me kill myself and then you told me about the very first infidelity. The one you impregnated I could live with, I would move on from it, it was in the past. Then you said that over break you spent your time with this chick and then a day later, told me you were going to marry her. Tell me...how does it feel to know you twisted the knife you so kindly shoved into my heart?


There is something to be said for the tragic beauty of human grief. Nothing else has the power to stop you cold in the middle of a day simply because a memory has washed over you. No other emotion has the ability to make one silent tear slip down your cheek because a reminder slaps you in the face. Only grief can make you doubt the worth of your own life and sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see. The most harmful accusations are the ones that aren't true.


You said you loved me but I don't believe you. After all is said and done you'll miss the time when we were one.

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