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      How am I supposed to forget about us...

     


Our life together ended within a few short weeks of 9-11, when you told me it was over.  I admit by that point I saw it coming. but refused to believe and I couldn't cope.  Funny, 6 years later and I still don't think I am truly coping.

 

By all accounts, I have "moved on", I have a new life, husband and the most important person to me, my daughter...but the pain I feel for you continues to linger.  Oh, I say the things I am supposed to say, things like, "good riddance", "never miss him" and "he did me a favor".  Or the lies to make others feel better, "I'm happier now".

 

When I left our home, I shoved our lives and our history into boxes with the intention of going through them and closing the lid, so to speak.  Those boxes went through two moves untouched, and have spent the past 3 years in the back of my closet.  I know I owe it to myself to finally file you away.  I spent the morning going through our memories & important papers, and then reality hits me.  I miss you.  I miss our family.  I miss our lives.

 

With tears in my eyes I look through the pictures of you, your boys and your family.  Images of vacations, birthdays and holidays past.  My heart longs for the person who used to live behind my camera.  Smiling while I snap shots of your joy, you and your beautiful sons' faces smiling back at me through the lens.

 

Are you happy now?  I heard you married the one you left me for, how is it working for you?  Do you ever feel this ache?  Do you ever roll over in the middle of the night and for a brief second wish I was there?  How are you my love?

 

I told you that I loved you more than life itself, I still do.

 

I told you that I would love you forever, and it appears, I still do.

 

My love to you my dear, my Rocky. 

 

xo

Adrienne

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