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      Pain That I've Felt.


Hi everyone, To those of you who read my story, through me may my tale live on in the eyes of others. It was a normal day early on in the year....

When I get an IM from a random chick.... we start talking and I'm thinking "haha, who is this random girl and why does she want to talk to me?" I can't explain why I felt immediately that i wanted to keep talking to her. That for some reason... she caught my attention. Never before had I seen her but I seem... so.... familiar with her personality. We started talking more, and became more familiar with each other. She had been going through a hard time.... the guy she was so oodles in love with had left for the military and I was someone she came to about her problems and thoughts and feelings. At the time, I was well ok with it because after all... we were just friends. In time... I started talking more with her and we really started to actually get a little closer by the day... yet I still hadn't seen her, only pictures of her. I then became more busy and didnt talk to her for like 2 weeks nearly. I then come back and she starts talking to me again and she asks me where I had been at. I tell her I was busy, so she says she was worried about me, I asked her why? She said she didn't know if I had gotten hurt or something. So we started talking more, then later that day, she tells me that she had feelings for me. I told her that I did too that I was just scared to tell her because I thought she would freak out and not talk to me again. So we were talking more and more and I had also startd to grow more feelings for her and she did also for me. But I knew in the back of my mind, no matter how many feelings I had for her I would just end up hurt in the end because she would still feel for the guy from the military. So time went on then a few weeks later, she called me up one night and asked me what I was doing. I was just having fun at my friend's house so I said "Hey if you aren't doing anything, I'd really like to see you!" and she was up for that. So on my way driving to her house, I get a ticket for speeding, haha who'd of thought. So I finally get to her sister's house which is where she was, 30 minutes away from my house. I walk up so nervous, I mean Omg the first time I see this woman, I hope she doesn't think I'm a complete idiot or ugly or anything. Do I smell good enough? The usual worrying about meeting a new girl. So I walk inside and there she was sitting beside her sister, and I sit on the couch... probably a mile away from her that couch seemed. She hates me, are my thoughts, until she gets up and comes and sits by me, so we start talking to each other a lot whenever she came and sat by me. I was messing with my glass of whatever it was that they gave me to drink so kindly. She was playing with her phone in her hands. We were so nervous yet so excited about each other. She had a hairband on her wrist and i started playing with it, and she started playing with that on her fingers, and i was playing around with it with her. Well, it wasn't long before we were holding hands. I felt that our hands fit perfectly. It was truly amazing how much I felt just from holding hands with this Goddess of mine. So we cuddled up and later that night I went home when her sister said it was time for me to leave. So I get outside and start driving then I talk to her on the phone the whole way home. I get home and I'm laying in bed, we're talking to each other about our night, the clock strikes midnight, and about an hour later, I ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend. She was so happy and said yes.

The first month was great, We were so happy with each other, everything in our world was going hunky dorey. Then the second month came and things were ok then, but the time was coming closer when Soldier Boy would be coming home, but I was not afraid because we were in Love. We were going strong, I'd see her all the time, we were truly happy, after all. It was within the first two weeks of me seeing her that her family started saying that they could see us being Married in the long run. I could actually start seeing us being married as well in the future. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl.

The third month came and thigns were ok but getting progressively worse. I could tell just by how she was acting, time was nearing for him to be coming home, I knew that had to be the problem, yet she kept promising me that she was ok that her feelings for him were sealed away and I had nothing to worry about. I believe her.

One night when We're on the phone, she says "hold on, I have another call, i'll call you back in a few minutes baby, I love you." then hangs up after i say it back. I kept asking her all day if I could come over but she kept refusing because she was hurting. about 5 hours later, she calls me and says "Hey whats up" Im like "whats up? what happened to a few minutes? that was hours ago!" so she starts getting an attitude with me then says "He called me and came over for a while" and I was like "its now 2 am... he called you for 10 minutes and you let him come over like that?" and she said "You knew I was going to see him when he came back" and then we were arguing but I gave up because.. I loved this girl, I was just going to accept that he came over, nothing happened, and all was fine.

That week was hell. We argued about every little thing, she was getting confused about her feelings about me she was saying. That she needed time to think about whether she loves me or not? One night while I'm at my friends partying just trying to get her off my mind, she calls me. She tells me the news, that night when he came over, she cheated on me. I was so heartbroken I didn't know what to do with myself. I cried so hard because I mean, I loved her so much, I would have given my life for her. So the night passes and everything is on my mind so much. She said she's sorry a million times that night. But I know, if you are sorry for something, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. I asked her a simple question, Do you regret it? No.... that was the answer I recieved. So There I was, happily in love with her, for months, then all it took, was a 10 minute phone call from the soldier, and he came over, and she cheated on me.... It's a pain you can't describe. I really had to get an outlook on life, promise myself I'd never do that again. I would never fall in love with another person until they prove to ME that they feel for me what I felt for her FIRST. To this day, many months down the road, anytime I hear her name, see a picture of her, music she liked comes into my mind, any piece of her life, that comes to my mind, STILL breaks my heart like it did that night... I wish I could turn back time to the minute I met her and said "Get lost". Or speed up time to the point where I'll be able to say "I'm happy again!" I'm stuck in a Sad rut, months of love for a 10 minute phone call to ruin us. It made me wonder, did she ever love me at all? Was I the only one making our relationship go on? Why is it all the nice guys ALWAYS get screwed? When am I going to just stumble upon a woman who will love me for me, truly, honestly, and LOYALLY!

There is so much more of my story to tell, My mind is filled with time, happiness, sadness, life, love, everything. Not a day goes by that I dont in some way feel the heartbreak of then. When will the phrase, Good things come to those who wait, come true? When is MY time?

Thank you for reading my story.

I doubt I will anytime soon come back to here to see if anyone said anything to me or about my story but, I feel better, telling my story, in the small amount I told of it. How my Happiness, became my deepening Sadness.

Thank you.


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