First love....does it ever go away? Do you ever stop loving?
He reached out to me when no one else had. He gently penetrated his way into my hollow, rigid, empty world of introverted self-absorption. He gave me his love, convinced me to trust him, open up to him, believe we were going to be together forever.
He took me in his arms, the scared, frigid girl. He held me safe and warm and told me how much he loved me. He wiped away my tears when emotion got the better of me and I cried. He stroked my hair, held my face in his hands and wrapped his arms around me, protecting me from the world and from myself.
The first time he kissed me, I cried. I was shaking so much I thought I was going to pass out. I had always thought kissing was gross and could never imagine myself enjoying it but with him, I did. He knew how to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He took my virginity on a night I will never forget. We had each other. We had the world.
Until it broke up. He left me. Came back a few months later, then left me again. Now his girlfriend of less than a year is carrying his child. But somehow even that can't kill the chemistry between us. We are so dysfunctional, such an unlikely, ill-matched couple. We have nothing in common besides a physical connection so deep and unbreakable that no one understands it, including us.
It's inexplicable, unhealthy and utterly destructive. We love each other, understand each other so much, yet cannot make a relationship survive. He doesn't love his girlfriend, still calls me, still wants me to be in his life...but now I'm the other woman. The 3rd party and I can't stand it. We say we're going to be friends, but we both know we can't just be happy as friends because there's so much unfinished business between us.
Do I cut him out of my life forever, knowing that it will probably hurt me more than him? Or do I keep him in my circle of acquaintances, both of us pretending the feelings we both feel really don't exist, all the while knowing that in spite of everything, it's probably just a matter of time before we wind up walking down the aisle?
How do you ever stop loving that man who took you under his wing and made you a woman? How do you ever find a man to live up to that? Or do you not even try? Do you just accept that your heart has been taken and that's all there is to it?