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      There will always be a place in my heart for James

     


My best friend, my love of my life



we were good friends and often saw one another down the pub at the same gigs, soon we got really close, until we eventually started going out.



I love James, with all my heart

my blood and bones





he loved me. often we would spend nights trolling london talking, telling each others memories and laughing, talking of our past, i told him everything and he told me.



He knew my secrets, he knew me, i knew him, we were in love .



starry nights together

exotic travelling



the only person who knew everything about me

and understood everything about me





Then i dunno, something in him changed, james was no longer the man i fell in love with, he became quite a drug user, at first i thought it was him being fun and cool and exciting, i even joined in now and again, how stuoid i now see with hindesight, as he spiralled down and down, deeper and deeper intoa wolrd of Drugs, where no one else mattered except his next fixed. He stole from, he stole my heart once upon a time, now he was stealing my money for a bag of white powder. Before i fell into the hole he was falling into, to the bottom where no one helps you pu, where people walk all over you, i left, i came back once, but then his mood swings carried on, he promised me he had changed but he hadnt. so i left



i didnt ever look back just keep on wlaking, like a cliche the rain was pouring the dy i walked to white chaple station to go live with my friend Amy for a while, while i got myself sorted.





About 2 years on and i'm married with 1 kid, Felix. my husband richard is wonderful and he means alot to me.



But still from time to time i walk down the street and see people and i think its james, but its not, sometimes i think what if i had stayed, it was the right choice to leave, but can say i still love james a bit and i guess his names is tattoed on my heart with felix and richard.



I loved James, and i always will, i will nenever forget him and he opened my eyes alot and when i was with him, it was possilby the happiest time of my life. i look to the future but sometimes think of the past.



however James broke my heart, i had to leave to save myself, i tired saving him but he fell at his own accord, if i could maybe i would have changed things, he broke my heart, by changing and being a man i resented and feared at one point, and by choosing drugs over having me in his life tore me apart





part of me aches for him.

im content i guess now


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