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      To feel is a Curse

     


 

I went to school with her up through college and then into university. Eating, joking, movies, relaxing, window shopping, parties and sometimes just doing nothing. This was all that we did all the time. 4 of us, 2 girls and 2 of us - the boys. Real great friends.We never had and seems will never have any misunderstanding or fight. absolutely fantastic relaxed life. I was more like a playboy back then. Used to flirt and go out with girls. Never got serious. My friend ...well shes a Gujarati...real pretty. we would spend hours sitting together and just talking. Well uni days were good. Then we left our studies and started working. # of us started working at the same place.This included me and my Gujarati friend as well. somehow i fell in love with her.But never showed total commitment. And i being a Hindu....well this was not the biggest problem but her parents wanted a Gujarati guy for her. Enough had already happened in their life including Hindu guys. they had just enough. It was not only me who fell in love but her as well. the way she touched me while talking or leaned on me.Her being always protective of me.Then one day we had  a serious talk. We knew that we would never get together without breaking other peoples heart so we came to a very hard decision. i didn't want to hurt her parents in any way because they are really nice people. We agreed to continue with our relationship until the day comes for a hard decision. 2 years finished.Suddenly at the beginning of this year she called me up and told me that her marriage has been set to a Gujarati guy. i was devastated. well not that badly because I thought that this day was supposed to come someday. Also because i never fully committed to her I was still playing around with girls. She reminded me of the talk that we had and asked that if I'd be okay or not. Well i thought that it wont affect me that much and I'd be okay. But time has proved that wrong. From the day i heard about her marriage...from that day i have been falling in love with her more and more day by day. we talk everyday.But she is happy now.She has found a perfect guy who is very like able to all her family. But when we talk there is a silence between us. Sometimes our eyes become watery because i don't only feel bad but i think she feels it too. I love her so madly and she is getting married to someone else. I cry almost every day. I used to drink less. But now i drink most of the time. Life has become so cruel and hard.I have got only 3 more weeks left with her. After that is her wedding. I think everyday as to how will I attend her wedding.How will i see the girl whom i love to be taken away. i don't want her to go away. I don't know what to do. I feel like nothing of importance is left in my life now. I feel hopeless. I wake up with her thoughts in my mind. All the time I m thinking of her until i fall off to sleep.Those eyes, hands, lips, warmth and all to be taken and touched by somebody else. She told me that she will always have a bit of regret that it was not her and me getting wed.But what can be done.Nothing. I will go to her wedding that day and i make no promises as to what i will or will not do after that. When I had her with me I didn't realize how much i loved her.Only when shes gone I feel like a sore loser.Now we sit together everyday as we are best friends as well. I see her and i see my wife walking around. Thats what i dream all day about. But within 3 weeks time that dream will not even shade my eyes. I wish i had no feelings and heart. To feel is a curse.

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