The thing that I'll miss most about him, his the feel of his arm as we walk down the hall together. Soft skin brushing up against mine. Leaving it there for minutes at a time. And how my breath would always leave me whenever he would do that. I can still feel it. It made me feel..wonderful, and beautiful, and protected. I can still see his eyes. They were gorgeous and beautiful and when i looked into them i felt like i really knew who he was. Like i was seeing into him. Or his smell! i feel like it was just yesterday that i was sitting behind him during class, every now and then getting that scent of him. That masculine scent. That made me legs go numb and my heart drop. I can't smell it anymore. Even as i type I'm racking my brain for any faint reminder of it. But it's long gone. Maybe one day I'll get another reminder of it, and i'll be able to stop and think of the one boy who stole my heart. The one boy who had all of me. who still does. Do you know what i mean when you look at someone and your eyes meet, and its almost as if your brain takes a picture of them. of their head, and their eyes, and the way they were looking at you. and years later you can still see it. as if you were just looking on it at that moment. I have a couple of those of him. I can picture them right now. IN the one, i don't remember where we were, but there's a door, and hes walking away from me, but he turned and looked at me and smiled. his wild half smile. and his eyes were staring right into me. and i know that we had had a connection at that moment. I also remember when my hand had accidentally found his during an every day class, and how i had rested it on his and lay it there before actually realizing what i had one. flustered i had apologized quickly, embarrassed. and he didn't say anything, not at first. it had taken him awhile, but soon he whispered into my ear that it was okay. and i remember shutting my eyes and breathing deeply, wondering if he has felt it too. the connection that i knew we had. I loved that when he would tease me, he would fake gasp, pushing out his chest and making a very dramatic gasping noise. It makes me smile to this day. Or that when he would really laugh he would bow down his head and his eyes would water. I loved how he looked when i would wake him up during class, his eyes red and usually a crease on his tan skin. He still looked handsome though, he always did. I remember all these things, and have all these things with me forever because they are a substitute for the real thing. i dont have him. And i never did. He never felt the same, or if he had, he never showed it, So i had to gather everything i knew about him in the only way i could. I would drink him in every day, treasuring the moment that i would be able to spend with him, talk to him, touch him. And i can still feel his arm brushing against mine, or see him smile as he looked at me, and even hear the sound of his voice. and i hope that i will always have those memories with me, so maybe if one day i come across him again, i can rejoice in meeting an old friend.
With all of my love for J.P,