Of Courage and Uncertainty - ESPY
"I think... I'm falling for you..."
Words typically coming out of a man's mouth. But have you ever imagined a girl uttering these words, conveying what they feel for the man they love?
"Yes. I've heard that before," you may say. But what would you feel for this girl after doing such a thing? It's an extremely ecstatic experience if both parties share mutual feelings. On the other hand, what if they don't? How would you react? How the hell would you accept the rejection?
In love, taking a risk is very important. You’ll never know what will happen if you won't even try. Some would rather hold their peace just to avoid any mishaps ...especially losing a dear friend.
Me? I have taken that risk. Once I was a fearless lady who shamelessly confessed my feelings towards a guy who I thought could be the right guy for me. And it was not an easy task, I'm telling you. I had to think it over, analyzing if this was the right thing to do, leaving me tossing and turning every night in my bed and giving me sleepless nights.
Until one day, I got tired of thinking. I decided to make a move... I had to let go of my fears and whatever doubts I’m still holding inside. It’s really crucial…but I have to make that first step. This won't end my life in an instant anyway.
I stuttered and almost choked on the words as I tried to reveal to him my deepest secret. And then there was silence… I found myself staring at him, waiting for the "answer". Finally, he gave me a smile – could this be the moment I'd been waiting for? He began to utter words and suddenly, I was dumbfounded. His words pierced through my heart and it almost killed me. I had to grasp for air to live... to survive.
That scene played tirelessly on my mind for months. Despite of the outcome, I'm still thankful that it’s all over.
Though I learned a lot of things the hard way, it taught me valuable lessons: it made me understand the importance of loving yourself first before anyone else; of conquering your fears; and facing reality.